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Not Lucky

Date Written: October 21, 2017

Whenever I am sad I think, “there are people that have it worse”

There are people outside the bubble of my town that are dying

There are people that are raped, they’re killed, they’re abused.

There are people that need clothes, they need shelter, need food

There are people who don’t know the next meal that they can consume

And then there are people like me

Im lucky

But I don’t feel lucky

 

I don’t feel lucky when my dad loses his job

I don’t feel lucky when I see my mother break down

I don’t feel lucky when I feel like a burden on my family

I feel like i’m drowning

 

I’m in the depths of the ocean

And I think i know how to swim

But all i am doing is kicking down

Down into the darkness, where the sun is unknown

Until I can’t even see the light

And as I toss and turn it all fades into black

I am blind in the depths of despair and everything is just black

 

I come home from school and take off the smile on my face

The mask on my heart

The light in my eyes

And as I lift the weight back on my shoulders, I look in the mirror and i’m greeted by a person I don’t know

Who is she?

She is the person I was a year ago

She is the person I portray myself as

The person I strive to be

And when I scream in the mirror “WHY CAN”T I BE YOU”

Her shoulders slouch

Her smile fades

Her eyes produce tears until she collapses on the floor sobbing because the weight was just too much

She is me.

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