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GOLD CLANG

Date Written: November 8, 2017
Categories:
 

In a place full of people

Drinking champagne

I’m always the one outside

Eating canapes

 

Gold and diamonds

Clang in my ears

Shoes reflect the lights

Of chandelier

 

I finish and I’m gone

I’m running to have

Much more fun

I don’t regret

What I’ve done

 

They small talk and laugh

And gossip

I chew and swallow

Caviar and oysters

 

Gold and diamonds

Clang in my ears

Shoes reflect the lights

Of chandelier

 

I finish and I’m gone

I’m running to have

Much more fun

I don’t regret

What I’ve done

 

Gold and diamonds

Clang in my ears

Shoes reflect the lights

Of chandelier

 

I finish and I’m gone

I’m running to have

Much more fun

I don’t regret

What I’ve done

No, I don’t regret

What I’ve done

4 comments on “GOLD CLANG”

  1. comnpkpillai     November 8, 2017

    champagne spree
    shouts and sparks
    colorful
    well written

    1. A. K. LIAR     November 8, 2017

      thank you!

  2. Mario Vitale     November 9, 2017

    Great read just some thoughts :
    What works:
    I like the moments where there is a rhyme. It gives a presumed end and sums up the lines before. I like how it is structured using terms like moving and bridges, meeting and middle.

    What doesn’t work:
    I find some line breaks both confusing and interesting. Sometimes you can use a line break to change the tempo of the poem, but other times the line break seems awkward. Try talking through the poem and see if the line breaks make sense rhythmically. Other times the line break seems to emphasizes a given word or phrase, but it is not consistent in its usage. If the line break is used at a given point in the paragraph, then it might seem more intentional.

    The center of the poem:
    The impression I get is of someone who is in the midst of change. They are hesitant on how to proceed and is looking to someone to help them along.

    1. A. K. LIAR     November 12, 2017

      Thank you for your detailed opinion!

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