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I hate you

Date Written: October 11, 2017

 

I hate you.

I hate that you made me so happy and then decided to take it all away.

I hate that every time I think of you I remember who you were and not who you are.

I hate that everytime i try to be happy I think of you.

I hate that i'm most likely going to compare everyone I try to talk to to you.

I hate that you made my heart feel so empty and like there’s Liquid nitrogen consuming it.

I hate that I ever thought I could fix things.

I hate that my brain is telling me to remember the hell you put me through in the last 6 months but my heart is telling me to remember the joy and true love I felt the first year and a half.

I hate that everytime I see a picture of you I stop and actually look at it.

I hate that I remember the love you made me feel.

I hate that I can't bring myself to hate you no matter how hard I try to remember your lies, the constant time you went behind my back, the way you made me cry myself to sleep at night, and the way you made me slowly feel like I was nothing to you anymore.

But you wanna know what I hate the most???

I hate the fact that if you promised to treat me the way you used to, If you promised that things would be ok, If you promised that you still loved me and that I really meant everything to you… My dumbass would believe you and come running right back.

Because I hate that I still fucking love you.

I love you.

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