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Regeneration

Date Written: September 21, 2017
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I woke up this morning without the heart shaped cavern you left in my chest when you left, I woke up hopeful and without the crippling self-doubt you instilled on me when you decided I wasn't good enough. The place where my heart used to be slowly filling it'self with the cool crisp air of fall slowly rolling in, with the smell of fresh rain still lingering in the air. As the sun slowly moved over the horizon I felt a peace that had long since been missing, the peace that had been there since my creation, something you plucked from me while you stole the heart out of my chest somehow finding its way home. The air is cold and sharp, as it sets a blue fire to my throat and lungs with its cool intensity the fog in my brain lifts and oddly, I can breath deeper; taking fuller longer breaths, unburdened by the ghosts you left in my mind. As my sleepy mountain town slowly fills with the sound of birds and children off to their day of forced learning, the cavern slowly fills, forming the closest thing to a heart it can muster, regenerating like a diseased liver. The Jaundice your disease cast over me finally fading, my once pure mind finding the strength to pull itself back together. I woke up not needing you, no longer clinging to the side of the bed where your warm deceiving body once lay. Not needing to sit and lose myself in a world where you still thought me good enough to keep up the lie of your love, where you gave me everything you knew I needed. I woke up ready to shrink you to the size of your heart, to pack you away in a tiny box in my mind, where you can no longer cloud me with grief or doubt. I am ready to let you go my sweet stupid hurtful love. I wish I could say I have a good thought for you on your journey forward without me, but I wish you the slow painful of all-consuming self-doubt and hate, I wish you the cavern that you left me. Good luck my love, please do not come back 

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