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Days pass slowly, yet quickly for me now.
Your rings and your dog tags burn on my skin.
We've fought the same fight, over and over.
But with every argument, it seems neither of us win.
I'm losing myself; who I am and my beliefs.
I've given up on pleasures for no one's joy but your own.
I'm not longer good enough; never right, just wrong.
My agony grows endless, for I'm always alone.
I've cried empty tears, on the inside and out.
You've pushed me and kicked me and I try to be strong.
My chest is in pain and I am losing my will.
For I've never endured this struggle this long.
I want to stay with you and I want to be yours.
But I can't even trust you with the secrets I hold.
I'm feeling pathetic, worthless and useless to you.
When I ask for you're help, you're so hateful, so cold.
You throw my past in my face like a sick twisted game.
You yell at and lecture me when I'm trying to help you.
I don't understand what I did to deserve your anger.
I'm usually composed but I just don't know what to do.
I try so hard to appease to you in anyway possible.
But you throw it in my face or you step on my heart.
I dread losing you and I dread when you're gone.
But how am I to love when my love's being torn apart?  
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Greens, yellows, browns and gold
primeval forest standing strong and bold.
Surrounded by the vastness of its reach
... continued
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The Last of the Tinners

If wishes had power, then I wish I were back in the mines
... continued
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Love me now
Love me then
I'm still here
... continued
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In real - one need not assert

In real deep love,
... continued
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To know love is to test its limits,
To feel it is to reach its depths unseen,
To escape into it beyond our own confusion,
and make words say more than they mean,
To make love erase the human errors,
that swell before us bigger than life.
To bend love back into ourselves,
burning as fire into our quiet.
How often must we toy and play with love,
Checking its merits to weigh its worth.
How much of it can we gamble away,
Or make light of it in laughing mirth?
how often can it seem so real and tangible,
yet elude us in sudden flight?
echoeing far off in notes of sadness,
stealing our days and killing our nights.
Every brave soul challenging loves strength,
Comes volunteer to die the heroes death;
Giving each day thier final reserves,
To share with their lover one intimate breath.

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I have an abiding force; that keeps me on course. I know I can trust in who I am because I no longer feel condemned. Grace comes with endurance; from the Lord's presence. I cannot always see what I believe.

However, I cleave. Belief comes sometimes inside of us buried beneath. I love who I aspire to be and I also believe in what I see. Just look around and look at everything with or without sound.
... continued
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Don't stay silent
Stop the violent
The world has taken a turn
... continued
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Those once in a life time love, is what we all search for. With you, there is no more search. Your touch lingers an ever so gentle smile. Your smoldering eyes always looking at me with such aspiration. Your beating heart always connecting with mine irregardless of out of control nature. I argue, just to fight, and you argue just to let me win. My soul mate that will dance with me in the kitchen at three am so we wont go to bed in a brawl. The first instance of opening up your eyes, disoriented and all, is surreal. waking up and rolling over to tell you that i dreamt of you, and instead i am left with the cold realization of a forever empty bed. at least i wake up with the promise of dreaming of you tomorrow. 
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Just not divine;
Standing ovation,
... continued
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