All my life
Every thought i have seems to enslave my soul
I have patiently waited to discover who i truely am
For far to long this has been my goal
From time to time i look into the mirror
Try to recreate myself
Into something divine
Searching my mind for a sign, because inside i have felt like i was already dead
Truely i know I am and will be fine
All this so puzzeling
Yet my words spilling onto this paper seem to always inspire
All so private
So inspiring
So personal
Only the thoughts of my subconscious self could make me hide
Sometimes the inner self chooses, and its you who loses
It has done things that broke you down untill you would have to let go and cry
I should never have yelled, and should have never lied
Choosing to follow the laws of nature
Still knowing the laws of man
It was the moment that my self repect and dignity both died, that i knew mans law was the one i should have denied
Instead i accepted the invitation and happily replyed
Making the wrong descison of choosing the wrong side
Never let a earthly man become your source of wisdom, a path to answers, and never your choose him as your trusted guide
By allowing myself to let my wants take over inside, i mentally and nearly physically died
By doing this i have suffered, allowing my thoughts to become smothered
The answer to life will never be discovered
If you set your own path and answer for only yourself, you may come out healthy, happy, and completly recovered
Saddened i must continue
With tears i must tell you this
From time to time i have cried
But uncountable times i have internally died
I have cried and cried
Tracing the original source of this
This darkness
I have realized
It lay, nourished, and rested on my inside
Now forced to face the circumstances
Being quickly judged, profiled, and punished with the residing jury's first glances
I can guarantee
There will be nothing else for free, nothing more that can rightfully be given to me
I've striked out
Game over
No more chanches
The tree where i once peacfully lay to rest has fallen
The trunk, leaves, and all it's branches had taken a hit comparable to the total damage of a tree during a hurricane
So much is gone
Forever washed away in the fresh rain
Bringing something new
Something to ease the pain
It still rips through my mind these thoughts squeeze my brain
Putting myself under so much pressure i may soon go insane
Always tormenting
Forcing me to repeatedly live life blind
So this was my pains source, now i know this could have ended up even worse
Wrong
I was wrong
wrong to pass adverse judgement
Like it was my choice to decide your final judgment
Like it was my place to judge and swiftly proceed to wrongly reason
Allow forgiveness based upon my sincerity
For I have just began to once again find happiness
I have found it in living my life right
being careful to never do wrong
It's my time to become happy forever
I have waited so long
By. Teddy F. Blackston
Original: 2007-2011...?
Revised: June 30, 2012
