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Eclipses are black eyes caused when the sun gets mouthy with Chuck Norris.

Death claimed Chuck Norris until Chuck Norris took back what was Chuck Norris’s.

Cops wear vests made of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 84-years old. Chuck Norris 84 – Death 0.

Chuck Norris is bulletproof, but bullets are not Chuck Norris-proof.

Chuck Norris is faster than the speed of speed.

Chuck Norris caught a cold once, then released it when he got the information he was looking for.

Chuck Norris doesn’t go to war because war is on the run because war owes Chuck Norris $12.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot lions. Chuck Norris chokes lions until they go vegan.  

If Chuck Norris punches and kicks you, it’s because Chuck Norris pays his debts with interest.

God prays to Chuck Norris.

Death and taxes know the only thing inevitable is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris taught Chuck Norris everything Chuck Norris knows.

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctors dropped and gave him twenty.

Chuck Norris robbed a bank and was given a discount.

Chuck Norris breaks mirrors just to see if bad luck will accept his challenge.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the toughest sombitch of them all? Chuck, is that you?

When they asked Chuck Norris how well he knew Karate, he said, “intimately.”

When asked how much he could bench, Chuck Norris said, “How much does infinity weigh?”

Chuck Norris is immortal because death is afraid to bring him the bad news.

Chuck Norris lost five fights but only because six is still licking its wounds from the last time it showed its face.

Chuck Norris traveled the speed of light because he knew traveling faster would be showing off.

Chuck Norris got jumped by ten crooks. They’re buried side by side.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray for his breath and super glue for deodorant.

Chuck Norris doesn’t run with the football. Chuck Norris runs with the guy who runs with the football.

If Chuck Norris wants scramble eggs today, he shakes the shit out of a chicken yesterday.

If Will Smith tried to slap Chuck Norris, “Thy Will be done.”

Chuck Norris was going to get a face-lift but figured, if it ain’t broke.

Chuck Norris is the cure for feminism.

Chuck Norris was going to run for President until Chuck Norris remembered that Chuck Norris doesn’t run for anyone.

Chuck Norris doesn’t eat because hunger knows its a fight it can’t win.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have accidents, Chuck Norris has on-purposes.

Chuck Norris was caught in a hurricane because he needed the challenge.

Chuck Norris can’t scuba dive because he can only walk on top of water.  

Chuck Norris taught karate karate.

Chuck Norris tried soccer once but too many balls filed for abuse so he took up being awesome instead.

Chuck Norris went golfing and was 18 for 18.

Chuck Norris can birdie a par 1.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever lose five fights and remain undefeated.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever come back from a place he’s never been.

Lazarus was allowed to come back from the dead after 3 days because Chuck Norris hates 1s, 2s and 4s.

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial information because Chuck Norris knows everything.

When COVID hit, Chuck Norris hit back and remained undefeated.

And God said, “Let there be light.” And Chuck Norris said, “Wait till I’m done napping,” so, God turned out the light and said, “Let there be dark.”

The devil went down to Georgia...because he heard Chuck Norris was in Wisconsin looking for his bitch ass.  

Chuck Norris doesn’t go broke. Chuck Norris breaks.

Chuck Norris got run over by a bus, but only because the train he wanted to run him over was running late.  

Chuck Norris got mugged and ended up making $437.

Chuck Norris was asked if he wanted to rule the world. He said, “Want to?”

They asked Chuck Norris who the toughest man in the world was but he couldn’t answer because he was too busy juggling crocodiles.

Chuck Norris skips rope with black mambas.

Chuck Norris was asked who would win in a fight, a bear, a gorilla, a tiger or a lion? He said, what’s the difference, I’m 4-0 against them.

Chuck Norris was asked if he was afraid of anyone. He said, the man in the mirror.

Chuck Norris was asked if there was anyone he couldn’t beat. He said, not in this dimension.

Someone once defeated Chuck Norris. April fools!

The three little pigs hired Chuck Norris and now the wolf can’t huff or puff.

If Superman and Wonder Woman had a kid...Chuck Norris.

The old lady in the shoe with all the kids….Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he sets Iowa on fire and shakes the earth.

Chuck Norris is the unstoppable force and the immovable object.

Chuck Norris was seen punching himself in the face. When asked why, he said, no exceptions.

When asked what size condom he wears, Chuck Norris said, think Kentucky Derby.

When Chuck Norris goes elephant hunting, he only brings a fork and a knife.

When asked if he was tougher than Mike Tyson, Chuck Norris said, who?

Chuck Norris caught COVID but let it go just to see if he could catch it again.

When asked if he loved playing all those tough guy roles, Chuck Norris said, playing?

Chuck Norris was struck by lightning but threw some thunder to let it know who was boss.  

When Chuck Norris hits you, even your thoughts get a concussion.  

Chuck Norris is so fast even light has to look over its shoulder.
 
When Chuck Norris was born he had a 5 o’clock shadow.

They asked Chuck who his father was. He said, miraculous conception.