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claire keaton' Profile


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About Me and My Poetry

I am a Italian Cherokee African American poet Vicentino Mason Italy I studied Munich Salzburg Augsburg Germany Mc Graw Kaserne USAF United States Armed Forces The Department of Defense creative writing fine art poetry literature folktale classic folklore writing short stories children books I also studied theology the study of saints of the Catholic Church Christian writing lyric's hymn's for The Believer's for Jesus Academy of American Poets also Poetry Soup of Marietta Georgia New Jersey writer's poet's slam of Chicago Poetry meet ups of Baghdad Iraq 1999 I begin summiting poems on poetry.com encouraged Montel Williams poetry contest for MS. survivors inspired by little 'Mattie' Stepanek the 7 year old disabled poet fighting for his life I was given commendations awarded best poet 5 years in a row completed 4 anthologies of poems recently Ernest Hemmingway home Key West Fl. Robert Frost poetry contest ....

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About My Poem

I truly wanted to write something serene and peaceful
calming and comforting when my mind is covered in
darkness deep depressive disorder stuck within the
dreadfulness of ptsd weeping fearful panting my heart
is aching with pain my eyes swollen as bright light

piercing an yet i'm back there wearing wires pregnant
adrenaline rush a 45 glock cocked in my mouth trembling
holding back tears a lump in my throat I hear my children
singing seated with an fbi agent schools out kids are
everywhere i'm forced to look through a scope on top

of an assault rifle pointed at special agent paula brand's
head driving a black cougar red interior the police department
in view protecting the drug dealers and their investment
loaning the dealers riot gear to go to war with the fbi killing
agents and informants I could see the mayors office I cringe

inside this hostage situation armed with nothing but my
fetus wires connected to my womb praying that the fetus
do not kick startling this killer my spouse in the bathroom
puking his guts out from testing the drugs he warned me
we would die unless I prove to them i'm not an informant

the dealer yells are you 5.0 are you with her meaning special
agent paula brand do you know her quickly I said of course
I know her she's my daughter's teacher holding my breath
for 20 years absorbing risky situations risky relationships
self medicating complete fear I was much to pretty to have

a war decease why it was more acceptable to fit in with risky
behaviors why it saved my life until I finally relaxed so calm
so peaceful in paradise when I exploded into pieces hearing
my fetus heart beat I could still feel special agent brand cold
hands installing the wires flashes of the gun cocked in my

mouth breaking the skin on my virgin lips my doctors tell me
i'm home the priest prays for me as I relive this every single
day for 32 years legal drugs are giving to help me sleep
to keep me awake anxiety panic attacks severe pain deep
sadness breathing on a good day i'm usually sedated in a

coma bad days rushed to the hospital injected with morphene
closed into a dark room nine injections in my head I am dead
truth being told I died inside that drug cartel long ago still
standing looking out that window through a police issued
assault rifle the back of special agent paula brands head

the resistance......sadly special agent paula brand after all these years defected breach seated with the killers dealers extorting a traumatic brain injury claim on my behalf funding this ongoing organized crime corruption operation money laundering with insurance claims in my name I could still smell her patton leather loafers her hair tonic I awaken to her cold sterile hand touching my bellying installing the wires chills down my spine a cold sweat

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veterans chatline my name is cpl denise

denise..hello are you there?

brown..yes i am brown

denise..how can i help you brown?

brown..that dark place has returned

denise...the dark place?

brown..yes i invision myself deceased

denise..tell me do you want to harm yourself?

brown...that's why i called you thee explosion crushed my face

denise...okay i understand this is stressful are you alone?

brown...no i mean yes crowded voices speaking in Russia German

denise...okay are you taking any meds?

brown...they don't quiet the loud heart beats the terror
wires on my unborn child i cover my ears.

denise...that's why we're here brown

brown..i feel safe peaceful seeing myself deceased
no more pain no more fear.

denise..do these voices tell you to do things?

brown...sometimes just get it over with it would
be better for everyone .

denise...do you have a quiet place calm place ?

brown..in my mind therapy taught me how to find my calm place.

denise...well that's good brown very good.

brown...it doesn't quiet the heartbeats i can't stop reading
license plates looking for codes numbers.


brown..yes codes right before the bomb exploded i read witness on a plate.

denise...i see that must be very stressful ?

brown...it is i can't control it so i rarely leave my dark room unable
to be in a crowded place or around a crowd of people.

denise...does your meds. calm this impulsiveness?

brown...nothing does i record over 75 plates just going to the doctors.

denise,,,have you shared with your doctors?

brown...yes i have most times he just increase my dose's as i never sleep.

denise...this could be very draining ?

brown...well it is every night i awaken 3 am reliving traumatic
events panic attacks in my sleep.

denise...you have a tough schedule i need to help you get away from the dark place.

brown...okay but it's deep very dark filled with weeping depressive
disorder my kids call it the crying decease.

denise..it's good you have a support system.

brown..i guess so but i feel awful my children taking care of me i'm the mom relearning how to pee how to tie my shoe this horrid illness i hate it i hate me.

denise...ptsd tbi are very serious illnesses but we're here 24/7 to help you stay safe.

brown ...that's just it i'm never safe a car bomb ignited my skull very dreadful leaving my home.

denise...you just stay focused on getting better do you have any hobbies?

brown...yes I've been journaling for 20 years writing poetry gardening
singing in the catholic church and volunteering .

denise...well see you have a few outlets a network keeping you from sadness.

brown..i guess so until i go to bed then i remember the fbi work
the installing wires on my womb imminent danger.

denise...you had to be afraid?

brown....i was but i couldn't show fear my kids were sitting with the agents parked in a car.

denise...what did you do for the fbi?

brown...i wore wires on my unborn child went into hostage situations
buying weapons and drugs.

denise....it is perfectly normal for you to be affected by this dangerous
situation your brain recorded this.

brown...it keeps me awake reliving it every night every single night
i really need it silenced no more screams .

denise....i understand you needing this to go away you need to
stay focused on your calm place you said screams.

brown....yes screams fbi investigating nine people burned in a fire
i can't breathe my chest hurts my heart skips beats
i blacked out hitting my head narcolepsy.


brown...severe daytime sleep apnea traumatic brain injury
offset day and night meds keep me awake in the
daytime rem sleep dreaming awake.

denise...i see does this help you sleep at night?

brown...some until the recording begin again reliving traumatic
events over and over sweating panting the smell
soot of smoke fumes fills my room i can't breathe!!!!!

denise...brown are you still with me?

brown...panting weeping i can't breathe lump in my throat!

denise...brown i need you to find your calm place think of your
children they are grown up now no longer in danger.



denise...are you in your safe place?

brown...yes thank you very much [sigh]

denise...no brown thank you for your service
remember we are always here 24/7 .

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i imagine my fate only too late
i gather my suffering started
long before you like leaving law
school after studies i completed
and joining the army with a political
refugee from hell or staying in an
abusive marraige to keep up an unholy
front or perhaps me running off with
the cheese headless horseman allowing
myself to be dragged for you dear sir
are apart of my goodness why sure stones
hurt i have the scars but so do jesus
it's hard to tell with people you know
however when i was two my grandfather held
my hands he prayed with me at a very
early age he share beautiful stories
about protecting st john paul at that young you
don't listen but he was amazed that i
told him his stories on his death bed
at ninety seven he said i had eyes of jesus

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Fbi investigation
30 year drug operation 1984 ongoing
Special agent Leroy Heimbach Chicago Milwaukee
Special ahent Paula brand Chicago fbi
... continued
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fidelity bravery and integrity was my whole life
wearing wires pregnant for the fbi being brutally
beaten by my spouse my life was never my own
completely planned I wept in silence managing
to smile through bruises when agents arrived

my children riding in the back seat I guess one
would say I was married and faithful to the bureau
finally crawling clawing away from my abusive husband
as years passed i remarried an yet still wearing wires
pregnant for the fbi still investigating police corruption

cops selling drugs ongoing 20 years new husband
same abuse but why i would soon contact the fbi
in tears my new husband was trying to kill me
he was involved in drugs p*rn strange behavior
on an island as i experienced a twisted severe form

of identity theft to my surprise fbi agents hired these
women as honey traps to infiltrate the marriage
murder me conceal the fact they wired my womb
at the same time recruit a new wife for my husband
selections from Jamaican Mexican Canadian strippers

the fbi assisted him and over 7 mistresses funding
hotels motel stays breeding like wild horses *ss*s
stalking me threatening me bullying me demanding
i remain silent emotionally cripple shattered i did
until the domestic violence escaladed i feared for

my safety as well as the children suffering ptsd
at least five of the woman became pregnant
including a female fbi agent threatening calls
the fbi helped my husband conceal the adultery
conceal the b*st*rd children intimidation controlling

fear shame abuse the domestic violence exploded
my husband brutally attacked the children and i
the fbi cared more about laundering my husband
human cargo drug p*rn operation than protecting my children
and i this resulted in a car bomb in my face my

punishment for alerting the bureau to silence me
once and for all as i lay in a coma female agents
began extorting my brain injury claim money
laundering this criminal empire of corruption
that infiltrated my marriage recruited my husband

loaded him to kill his entire family extorting blackmailing
a horrid emotional mental cruelty the female agents
taunted me by sending calendars from Arlington heights
keeping record of my brain injury my mri's x-rays thrilled of
how much money they received of my personal injury claim

operation domestic violence aborted

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I stood there helpless desperately trying to decide
which one of the children to be sent to hitlers camp
it was quite clear the germans wouldn't allow us all
... continued
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I love the way you look at me
I feel it from inside
Without a single word you say
... continued
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Looking back now I wonder
I want to analyze every breath, word, move cry
I want to analyze his every good-bye.
I will never know if there's
something I could have done
I will never understand why
He felt like he was on the run.
He was such a good kid,
So powerful and true
everyone loved him
there was so much he could do.
I want answers....
I want facts...
I can't handle any more rumors
There's no turning back.

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Tonto! HOW!
You make good sense!
Riding partner big problem.
Do you know Souix?
Promise me protection.
Golden Child did us both.
I watched her show the captain the tricks.
Your partner "hunting noon feeding time"
was standing right there too!
I think the seas are going to get stormy
Golden Child and two sisters on pony
follow practice to deceive.

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the german luger p38
replaced with the

... continued
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