scott.alan116
  Junior Member

This is a powerful poem. The poignancy is expressed with images that are distinctive, direct, and memorable. With grief it's easy to over use sentiment but there is nothing self-indulgent here. This work exhibits a masterful control of well crafted language. The shock and the sorrow permeate each stanza as grief is portrayed and analysed from a growing realisation of its import and aftermath. If I may suggest one small change - the word "Together" (in the last line) deserves a line of its own without a colon. This would give it a more dramatic entrance and would reinforce the sense of triumph that I think is implicit. I nearly missed the significance of its appearance as it's almost drowned by the preceding words. A really evocative piece writing. more »

The imagery is consistent and largely unsentimental; the writer is chasing a reality he cannot totally dissociate himself from but neither can he embrace it specifically. He’s working against time; everything is either blurred or distorted – he doubts himself and grieves the lack of clarity and intimacy that should position him to achieve whatever it is he’s after. The last line does rankle – it isn’t shocking in that we weren’t prepped for such an ending, it just seems… unconnected, unsubstantiated – a bit of a cop-out - but other than that I consider it to be a well-crafted poem and well worth reading. more »