pkmason1954
  Junior Member

Direct strong imagery. Brutal in content, yet poignant.

My comments would serve you better if I were a therapist. Perhaps writing this poem was therapeutic. If so, write more.

Clear message. Too much rhyme for my taste.

Certainly heartfelt. Could use improvement on grammar, unless slang was intentional. I hope you are now free!

I prefer his short stories, though he has an evocative way with words.

Nicely visual.

I certainly understand being 'hit' by mental illness. Writing about it definitely helps, because it is you discoursing with yourself and no one else. And for awhile, the outside world doesn't exist. more »

A personal expression of sorrow if not elevated by poetic language, is only sentimentality. Seems churlish to say, when someone is in pain.

Perhaps best on a remembrance card. Not sophisticated poetry, but definitely sweet. How many of us humans would like such an epitaph? I would.

Sentimentality doesn't move my weary soul, which requires more lifting than perhaps it should. Unless I was a parent and received such a gift, though poetry would not be in the mix.

I fear I'm too old to be inspired by this work, but hope I'm around when a slim black, brainy girl is president!

Trite.

Though not revelatory, it shows heartfelt compassion, a rare commodity.

Visually too complex. But certainly meloncholic.

Good. Mysterious