I don't exist

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/198283/i-don't-exist

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  AIDA

  What a powerful and evocative poem! Your exploration of existence and connection is both profound and relatable. The repetition of "I don't exist" creates a haunting rhythm that draws readers in and encourages them to reflect on their own feelings of isolation and the impact of meaningful relationships. The imagery you use, particularly in lines like "I'm a tree within a forest, where there's no one to be found," is striking and effectively conveys the sense of loneliness that permeates the poem.
  
  Your ending, with the turn where the presence of another person brings the speaker back to life, is especially moving. It beautifully illustrates how connection can validate our existence and breathe life into our otherwise hollow personas. This emotional depth is what truly makes your poem resonate.
  
  Here are a few suggestions for improvement:
  
  1. Imagery Enhancement:
  While the imagery is strong, consider expanding it in some sections to add more vivid details. For example, what does the "hollow shell of man" feel like? Integrating sensory details can deepen the reader’s connection to the experience you're describing.
  
  2. Pacing and Structure:
  The poem flows well, but you might experiment with varying line lengths or stanza breaks to create pauses that emphasize certain thoughts or emotions. This can enhance the impact of your message.
  
  3. Clarity in Themes:
  The themes of existence and connection are clear, but you might want to play with varying the tone in different stanzas. Perhaps introduce some contrasting feelings—like moments of hope or despair—with a few lines dedicated to the thoughts that precede the arrival of the person who makes the speaker "reappear."
  
  Overall, your poem is a heartfelt reflection that captures deep emotions beautifully. Keep honing your craft, and I look forward to seeing how you evolve these ideas further! more »

  LikeReply3 months ago