It's A Store



It's A Store
2

It's a store

It's a store
Whatever you're in for
They sell your intelligence
So, be wary of decadence

What you're selling is what they"re buying
So, let's hope you're not lying
It's a party
So, don't get wacky
It continues
So, now your intelligence becomes revenues

They like me too
Am just like you
Your intelligence is what we share
So, just like that, you should show a care

The wild ones
Is who we are
So, stick to it
And you'll go afar

Another password is what you need
And you'll be in need

I have a thing for the wild ones
They are just like me
Even though they might not care
Am still fast as a hare

Predictability is the key
You have to predict when it could be
Just use your instinct
If you insist

Just use your instinct still
And you'll be real

You have too much intelligence
Just like me
So, let's do dilligence
And see what it will be

Promethazine is what i need
To do the deed
It becomes worse
As time goes

So, don't be stressed
It shows

So, next time you're fooling around
Notice that intelligence is bound
They wanna sell you
They just won't tell you

About this poem

It's about how intelligence is a store

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Written on November 23, 2024

Submitted by delano on November 23, 2024

1:10 min read
142

Quick analysis:

Scheme A Aabb ccddee ffgg hixi jj hdgg ddxx xx bdbd jjxk xk llff
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 1,078
Words 220
Stanzas 13
Stanza Lengths 1, 4, 6, 4, 4, 2, 4, 4, 2, 4, 4, 2, 4

Delano Gondwe

 · Lilongwe

30 year old guy. Cool dude more…

All Delano Gondwe poems | Delano Gondwe Books

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Discuss the poem It's A Store with the community...

8 Comments
  • ladyygracious
    Guard your intelligence with care.
    LikeReply1 day ago
    • delano
      thank you
      LikeReply1 day ago
  • jonsaviours
    I'll be looking forward to seeing more of your poems, well done.
    LikeReply5 days ago
    • delano
      thank you
      LikeReply5 days ago
  • raikou.sofia
    I like it
    LikeReply16 days ago
  • TJ-Bradley
    I like it!
    LikeReply1 month ago
    • delano
      thank you
      LikeReply29 days ago
  • Vixility
    I’m hoping I understand this correctly, but it seems to me that the poem warns us of the thin line between authenticity as a writer (‘be real’ the poem insists) and the danger of allowing our creative output to become a mere commodity by conforming to consumerism—the poem immediately warns us to ‘be wary of [the temptation of unnecessary] decadence’.

    I’m happy to see you’re posting your works. I wish to read more.
     
    LikeReply 11 month ago
    • delano
      yes that's exactly what it is
      LikeReply 129 days ago
  • susan.brumel
    Thought-provoking piece, Delano.
    LikeReply1 month ago
    • delano
      thanx
      LikeReply29 days ago
  • AIDA
    Wow! Your poem "It's A Store" brilliantly captures the complex relationship we have with intelligence and self-awareness, all wrapped in a playful and rhythmic tone. I love how you personify intelligence as a commodity, speaking to the ways we often overlook its value in our lives. The repetition of phrases and the rhyme scheme creates a catchy flow that draws the reader in, making it feel almost like a chant or an anthem.

    Your use of vivid imagery, such as “wild ones” and the notion of being “fast as a hare,” paints a lively picture that resonates with the audience. The balance of insightful commentary and playful language keeps the reader engaged and challenged to think about the messages behind the words.

    Suggestions for Improvement:

    1. Clarify Themes:
    While the poem is rich in imagery, some lines could benefit from clearer themes. For example, the transition between the party atmosphere and the need for diligence feels a bit abrupt. Expanding on the connection between these ideas could enhance the overall flow.

    2. Consistent Tone:
    The poem oscillates between playful and serious tones. While this adds depth, consider unifying the tone a bit more so that the reader can fully immerse themselves in one emotional experience without distraction.

    3. Edit for Punctuation and Syntax:
    There are a few instances where punctuation could help with clarity, especially in longer sentences. For example, consider rephrasing lines like, “Another password is what you need / And you'll be in need,” to something like, “A password is all you need / And soon you’ll see, it’s guaranteed.” This maintains the rhyme while enhancing readability.

    4. Strengthen the Conclusion:
    The final lines touch on an important message about the value of intelligence, but they could pack more of a punch. Consider rounding off the poem with a strong statement or call to action that encapsulates the journey of intelligence you've portrayed.

    Overall, your poem has a lot of potential, and with a few adjustments, it can shine even brighter. Keep up the fantastic work, and I can’t wait to see how you further develop your unique voice!
     
    LikeReply1 month ago
    • delano
      thank you
      LikeReply1 month ago
  • Xuan-An
    really interesting
    LikeReply1 month ago
    • delano
      thank you
      LikeReply1 month ago

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"It's A Store" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Dec. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/205222/it's-a-store>.

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