Sheila's Effect: A Daughter's Tradgedy

It seems as if death will always make you cry
As if when she died so did I
As a result I drastically changed
My smile faded away
I have never been the same

Now I see life is just a game
And Death is either a win or loss

Death is swell when it ends your suffering
So I'd rather have you dead than with me in pain
I go on day to day trying to block you from my mind
So I fill my head with lies
Try to get to the point where I never remember your face
And where you once were is now just empty space

I'm clearly disillusioned
And crazy
But just maybe this scheme I've concocted will save me

You see I handle my grief in an impractical way
Forcing everyone to stay away
Pushing everyone away
So death can't rip them away from me like it did you