emergentauthor
  Bronze Member

I definitely will, Randy. And I'll give you my feedback! Thank you.

Thank you so much for looking at my work and giving my poem "The Morning Fog" such a high rating!!! Really appreciate the support. And thank you for your compassion in regard to the situation with my mom. Yes, I've met many people who don't understand what it's like to have such an abusive mom. But I lucked out with my dad, so I guess it evens out. :) I think God allowed me to go thru a unique situation to strengthen my relationship with Him and to give me a better perspective on good and evil so that I could write about it. more »

Really sweet poem. Congrats, Randy, on your win! I respect the admiration you have for your mom. When you have some time, please check out my poem "The Morning Fog," which was a runner up in the competition and "Mother," a poem I wrote about how my dad was more of a mother to me than my mother ever was and is about the bond I have with my dad, who, like your mom, instilled Christian values and principles in my life. I'm very happy that a Christian poem won the contest. I think that that is great! more »

Thank you! The morning fog always spurs my imagination to life and makes me think of creatures and other worlds hiding underneath the white canopy. Daniel 12:2 inspired the image of the dead in Christ in rising like people pulling up white vapor blankets. more »

Thank you so much!

I'm of the school of thought that poetry, and writing in general, should be alive. I'm glad that's how you felt because that means I'm achieving my goal of immersing the reader into the worlds that I create, which is what much of my writing does. I like to equate my descriptiveness to the style of H.P. Lovecraft and Hayao Miyazaki; both of them are inspirations for my craft. As far as the ending, I like to write poems with movement that take the reader from one place to another, both literally and metaphorically, and I'm a traditionalist when it comes to writing sonnets. I'm working on a collection of sonnets, which are my specialty, and I like showcasing the traditional turn either in the final couplet or in between the octave and the sestet via the volta. It's the equivalent of turning on a light switch in the reader's head to make them see something in a unique way or a miniature punch in the gut to jolt them into a new kind of thought. more »

Thanks so much, Vixility! I was inspired by the famous end times chapter of the Bible, Matthew 24, where Jesus talks about the destuction of the temple as well as verses from 1 Thessalonians and Daniel 12:2 inspired the third stanza. And yes, ha, ha, I agree that the rapture is better, because I think I personally would rather be taken up in the clouds and part of the generation that never dies than to wait for 'death's eventuality.' more »

Thanks, Caliconine! I will check out your work as well.

Thank you, everyone! Thanks Vixility, shivferguson, and JokerGem for your kind words and compliments!!! Your support makes my day; thank you for picking my poem. I will be entering the competition again and will be putting more of my work on the site including advertisements for the science fiction magazine I write poems and stories for. If you are a fan of mine and have not, please check out my other titles on poetry.com as well. Thank you. :) more »

This is one of the most unique poems I've ever read. I love the use of metaphor and figurative language throughout the poem with the hurtful words being represented as "stabbing knives" and "puncturing" someone else's confidence. The "broken flashlight" metaphor was also very clever. This poem was well crafted, and I can see the care taken in every step of its design just like each stanza in the poem feels like a literal step down the spiral staircase of the mountain that the speaker of the poem was trying to carefully dismount. I love the way the poem starts-how top is in the first line and bottom is in the bottom line of the first stanza, very clever. This poem was also very positive. I like the idea of a poem being like a journey from one spot to another for the reader; it should take the reader places. And this poem is a metaphorical representation of that idea in a way, with the focus being on the journey of this person's life, which had ups and downs, and was clearly not perfect, but the speaker of the poem was able to overcome the struggle in his or her life and reach the destination. I love the fact that there is no punctuation and the choppy line breaks and shortness of each line make the reader feel vertigo and tense just like the speaker of the poem. Love how the whole poem's spiral staircase only represents one, single mountain in the person's journey, and then you realize when you get to the bottom w more »

Thanks! If you have not, check out "The Shadow" and "The I of My: A Memoir of Death," two Poesque poems of mine I entered in this past contest for October.

First of all, you are not a bad writer. And I enjoyed your poem because I grew up with an abusive mother who I left behind when I was sixteen. I am in my late twenties now and have been writing since I was six. I wrote a book when I was 13, and currently, I'm writing poems and stories for a science fiction magazine online. You remind me a little bit of me. You have raw talent and natural writer's instincts; I see the makings of a great writer in your poem which has a natural rhythm and beat associated with form poetry. In particular, I like your use of masculine rhymes and your use of slant rhyme in the second stanza. Although some of the rhymes may have been slightly cheesy, like "overcoming the attack" and the head spin line, I like how many of your word choices dealt with war, like the safety pin quote, the war obviously being a metaphor for what you're going thru with your mom. The title is perfect and creative, and I like how you started the poem with "I know you love me but..." basically you've got a funny way of showing it. You have some GREAT lines scattered throughout the poem, particularly "sea full of light and darkness," nice antithesis, by the way, "eyes that show me the hardness," that's great because it deals with the senses and it's how mom makes you FEEL nonverbally, "my trust too many times misused," I know what that's all about, you're not alone, and ESPECIALLY "my love feeling like a sin." That's interesting. I wonder your intent; it makes me think of how I, as a little boy, would feel guilty feeling affection for my mom knowing what she was and after she had treated my dad and me so badly, because although she was abusive, she was still my mom. I like the line break before "healed." You do a great job of conveying how you feel toward your mom thru the way your words paint that picture; you know how to get right to the point. One specific criticism I'll make, and feel free to do with this what you will, Amber, is to cut out the word "sadly," from the line "I know I can't" and just end that line without a rhyme. On can't. It would drive the flow of the next stanza home and really make your feeling to be loved by your mom stand out even more than it does already. Don't put yourself down. With a little work, you could be a great polished writer. :) more »

Although I voted for another, I just had to tell you that I love this poem! I am the head fiction writer for a small, online magazine, and write, mostly 80% old school, form poetry. I love to write sonnets and villanelles. And I noticed the tetrameter and trimeter you used almost immediately, and love the straightforward, sing-song quality of your poem. Reminds me of a lullaby, even a little Edward Learish, and well-paced. You even had a feminine rhyme in there! Great alliteration. And I like the title. Caught my attention immediately and made the poem stand out; charlatan is such a great word I almost never hear anymore. more »

So, let me talk about the things I love about this poem. First off, congratulations Joseph!! And secondly, I can see why this was picked for second place. This was so heartfelt; great message we all need right now written so methodically to convey the idea to show kindness to others because we've never walked a mile in anyone else's shoes. The line breaks you picked really pull that off effectively, like when it cuts to "neglected by her parents." Also love how the poem starts and ends with the same line to reinforce your message, and that last line break in the final couplet hits me like a punch to the gut! Well done, Joseph. And kudos to the lack of a period at the end more »

There is A LOT to talk about going on in this beautiful, heartfelt poem. Love the repetition of "I found love" throughout the poem. I love the "human whipping post" and "love hanging on a tree" metaphors representing the literal embodiment of love, Christ himself and his body, and the blood metaphors, the authority of Christ to forgive sins for all humanity literally spilling out of Him onto the dirt, and in that moment, having the power of salvation and victory over death-the images and figurative language in this poem for Christ's sacrifice and suffering were so palpable; I could see and feel all of it as the wonderful picture created by the diction of the poem transported me to the historical scene. The description of the clawing thorns, being the crown the Roman soldiers made Jesus wear, the ones they pushed down into his skull, was so disturbingly vivid. And the overall message of the poem, the way it placed the speaker right up against what was happening to Christ, talking about kneeling on the blood-stained ground and the stench of the ground-I was truly captivated over and above the other poems I read-the message being to let go of your unforgiveness due to past hurts and trauma and to forgive-the idea of, placing you in the context of what happened to Christ, if you were right there, how could you not forgive? After what Christ went thru to forgive you. What a vivid way to make a statement. I thought it was brilliant. Well d more »