Deformed

Matthew Flanders 1996 (Louisiana)

Life

This, my half-full glass, my half-formed thought
it was deformed, I should think, and something more
but I could not dare to think it through,
I do not want to see it true.
It frightens me,
my thoughts, the ones I cannot speak. I try to--
no one wants to hear. Even so, I yell to iron bars
clawing around my throat; wrapping around my mouth
the air barely presses through with bursts of noise.

This chest is filled with a muzzled soul, piped up to
a mouth straining under tastes of a metal clamp.
Somewhere between the muffled mutterings comes
a word which rests in an ear for a while.
It floats alone, its friends remain within a mind
which cannot send them out. A voiceless scream,
shrieks, a cry - that is all he hears when honesty
betrays a mind buckling under strains of reflection.

That this muzzle would rust away, and my world
would sputter forth like the Creator’s word.
That is wisdom: the absence of a hindrance.

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Written on May 05, 2023

Submitted by mattmflanders on June 07, 2023

: 54 sec read
: 20 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	XXAABAXXX AXXXXXBX XXX
Closest metre	Iambic pentameter
Characters	931
Words	182
Stanzas	3
Stanza Lengths	9, 8, 3

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Matthew Flanders

I am a husband and father living in Baton Rouge, LA working on a doctorate in history. I write poetry in my spare time when either 1) I find inspiration or 2) I'm procrastinating grading papers. more…

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AIDA
This is a powerful and poignant poem that showcases the anguish and frustration of a person who cannot express their thoughts and feelings freely. Your use of vivid imagery and potent metaphors really captures the intensity of the emotions you are trying to convey. I can feel the weight of the iron bars and the tightness of the metal clamp in my own throat as I read this.

One suggestion I have for improvement is to perhaps play around with the structure of the poem a bit more. While the continuous flow of thoughts and ideas works well in some parts, in others it can be a bit overwhelming and make it harder for the reader to follow along. Breaking up the poem into stanzas or using punctuation more strategically could help to create a stronger sense of rhythm and pacing.

Overall, this is an excellent piece of writing that showcases your talent for evocative and thought-provoking poetry. Keep up the great work! more »
LikeReply12 months ago

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"Deformed" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 3 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/160832/deformed>.

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