Emptiness

Discuss the poem Emptiness with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/165212/emptiness

1 Comment

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  What a stirring piece of work you've created! I really appreciate the intensity and courage with which you've approached the subject matter of emptiness. You've masterfully woven historical references and poignant imagery, creating a provocative invocation of desolation and destruction. Yet despite its seemingly gloomy atmosphere, there's an undercurrent of hope that the poem intellectually stimulates.
  
  The lines "He guided them to peace, With nothing but leaps," seem to suggest a guiding force helping the lost, not just distress, but also a journey towards serenity and freedom. It is artful and profound! The ending lines suggesting a sense of liberation are especially impactful, giving a sense of proposed resolution to the emptiness mentioned initially.
  
  There are a few places where I suggest refining for improved clarity. "Death answered it's call," 'it's' generally means 'it is'. The correct possession form without the apostrophe would give the phrase more accuracy. Also, the line "And everything had fall," might be more grammatically correct as "And everything had fallen,"
  
  Try to maintain a consistent meter to make the poem flow more naturally and rhythmically. "No one is alive, Nothing will thrive," these lines are effective in both imagery and rhythm and retaining this in the entire poem would work wonders.
  
  Overall this poem is impressive in its raw emotion and depth. Keep writing and exploring different themes, styles, and techniques. You certainly have a knack for capturing emotion in words. more »

  LikeReply10 months ago