The dead is gone !

Before, It’s like a mystery to me.
A clueless little dummy, surely because I haven't faced it yet.
So, I talk half-heartedly to someone's pain of losing someone else.
I can’t brain why did they being so extra?
Grieving despite the changing seasons, crying out loud and the painful longing.
All I can think is, the dead are gone.
Obviously, decreasing sinners.
In fact, being dead means they don't have to endure the pain anymore,
they’re free…
So why did people always come up with excuses just to prevent anyone from dying when they are already fated to die?

But then,
things happen and I got pretty shocked.
Being forced to attend the reality's hit,
without any warning…
Of course, I crumble apart,
Almost feels like there’s not even a fraction of soul left inside me.
Feels like I’m dead yet I’m alive.
Every day, I can feel something trying hard to get out inside me,
from my heart, precisely.
The non-stop nausea, but there's no vomit,
I suffered like there won't be tomorrow.

The tingling on my hands sometimes makes me hurt myself,
Unconsciously, I left scars on my skins.
The anxious won’t leave me alone,
I feel the rush to die, following my Dear’s path to the underworld.
I hardly breathe normally,
The headache adding my frustration,
and insomnia filling the endless night.

Now I realize,
The loneliness is too much for me to handle,
Because in everything I do,
There are too many memories to avoid.
Yeah, it’s hard to accept the truth because it feels like a big fat lie.
No words can comfort me, nor songs that can ease my pains.

But along of that,
For some time, I finally learn something.
That human being is such a wonderful creature…
They can feel everything another creature can’t,
and they can make decisions like no other creature can,
while physical, appearance or personality couldn’t affect what might human being bear inside them.
Thanks to you, Our Dear Self…