Survivor

I am a survivor of domestic violence,
Finally breaking me from a life of silence,
Unspoken pain and misery followed me for years
I never cried I blocked my tears,
Never allowing him to see
For breaking down in front of him was the worst thing I could do,
So I had to be strong and just accept my fate
For any kind of weakness he would negate,
Negate it all and make me feel like I wasn’t worth anything at all
Only exist to serve him worship and adore him
Every time he hurt me I’d build a wall around me adding a brick piece by piece
Until my wall become so strong that I could look past him and beyond
Every time he’s hurt me it would kill any love I had for him,
Every punch every kick every strangle every choke
I’d look at him and think you’re a joke
A pathetic excuse for a man let alone a father
A man who constantly professed his love for his children and me
Though when it came down to it he never cared one bit
Years and years I put up with him and my love had long since died ,
I still dare not challenge him
But one with thing I couldn’t deny
Was my longing for a bette life I knew was waiting  for me ,
A life of freedom and free of his control
Never daily having to be told
You’re this your that your worthless

One thing though
I always knew that I was so much stronger than him
I also know he knew that to
This also frightened for him
For his failings as a human haunted him
Though I was not to blame for his weakness and his pain for whatever haunted him was not my cross to bare and I was not to blame

So now I’m finally free
I let my wall come down
I’m happy just to be alive to be able to tell my story
To inspire to give hope