My mind talks me up

My mind talks me up

Fight or flight, I guess that’s what they call it,
To stand on your own two feet,
Or to jump ship,
I live it, every single day,
My mind astray,
Moulding itself like clay,
Reminding me that whatever I do, what I say,
I’m not okay.

Sometimes at night, I hear the screams,
But my mind does not talk me down,
It seems,
That no matter how much I smile,
I’m overpowered by frowns,
To the point, I am now dressed in the blue gown,
No freedom left,
In that awful part of town.

My mind use to scare me, now it scares others,
The type of fear that would make you hide underneath your covers,
With your tail tucked neatly, between your legs,
But I cannot escape, because it’s all in my head.

I know it’s not real,
I tell myself daily,
But that’s what’s toxic,
The fact it delays me,
The progression, I fail Lee.
I cover it up with self-destruction and anger,
While my mind talks me up,
‘What if you’re not crazy? Maybe this is who you are’
So I cover myself in scars.

People pretend to know,
They act like they listen,
But to me I’m in the wind and pissin’,
Because they cannot make the decision,
Only I can.