my last memory

yea lately i been wondering
what will my last memory be
will it be
me alone
staring down my tombstone
will i have family
will i have someone to care for me
will i see the world for what it is
and get past all the negative biz
that i see every day
will i wanna stay
for just another day
will i regret my choices
will i still hear their voices
telling me not to go
i guess i wont know
till i finally go
i got so many questions
like where do i go with these professions
like what if i did this
what if i did that
where would i be at
what if i gave up
what if i still sipped from a cup
what if i was selfish for once
instead of giving my heart out
till im faced with this endless drought
causing me to shout
what if i sucummed to the demons inside
what if i chose to hide
behind this mask i sometimes wear
this mask thats so heavy to bear
what if i finally gave in
to all the sin
would my sister
finally leave that abusive mister
would my death cause her grief
or would she still smoke that leaf
what if i died tomorrow
would anyone be filled with sorrow
all these thoughts going through my head
telling myself i should just go to bed
like man i got so many questions
that i want answers to
but maybe ill never be one of the lucky few
to finally get that option
maybe i should find some rules and adopt them
into my style of living
but im always giving
myself away
till im in a state of decay
with a constant frown
maybe its cause i drown
in these thoughts
happiness can that really be bought
i mean its just a thought
maybe i ought
to really go to bed
dream my last dream
as there tearing through the seam
maybe i should just give in
to the weight of my sins
so i guess my only question remaining
is will it still continue draining
me
for all to see
will i be alone
staring at my tombstone.....