Etc

“Etc.”

what do you say
When you take a breath
And disclose
To someone
a sexual assault

And in their reply
they refer to it
As an
“etc.”

What do you say ?
To a reduction like that
Do you say anything at all?
Or do you clarify
At the very least inside your head

Do you mean the etc of the nights
Where the footsteps of neigbours
Cause panic attacks

Do you mean the pushing of a chair in front of every hotel door
That you have to sleep in
alone.

Do you mean that
Etc.

Or do you mean the
The pulverising self doubt; that etc?
Or the catastrophic fall out
Of every relationship you held dear
Do you mean that etc

Or Is it just
So commonplace now
That it is really just is
An etc
That I should accept

And it’s just
I didn’t get the memo
Didn’t get that
I’m supposed to be okay
With THAT

A that
Which caused
this constant screaming in my head

Is this just how it is now
Just..
An etc ?

And can you be okay
To be okay
with
That

Or do you try and speak again
And say something
anything at all
Beyond the words
you thought you’d already said
out loud
But are now instead
just
Hanging around
Lingering like a bad smell
Inside
Your head

In the dark

In broken blinking neon

A kind of newly acquired tinnitus
you learn to live with
While not even knowing yet
That
nothing will be the same again -

Still.
you try and forget
Until someone calls it an
“Etc.”

And in their casual breath
They condemn you to replay..

That.

Over and over
And over
again
Just to make sure
You were really right to feel
That

THAT

was definitely
More than

an etc.