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Hitherto, He Appeared

Date Written: September 23, 2017

Before we met, I had heard
that

he has a patient demeanor and

kind eyes.

They told me that

he isn’t envious.

‘He isn’t a braggart,

and he is not proud,’

they told me!

They told me that he didn’t spar

with the devil, or get easily
angered.

Neither did he keep a tab of

blunders, nor was he selfish.

 

I wasn’t supposed to meet with
him

again.

He just wasn’t right for me.

He’d frequently wear a mask of
revelry.

He was impolite:

he’d collect his goodie bag

and always absconded the party
early

when I least expected it.

But this time, he entered
charmingly from the left

and swept me off my giddy,
prancing feet.

 

I swore never to look him in
his fetching,

duplicitous face again.

I wasn’t supposed to let him
hold me

reassuringly

as he made me embrace

absolute fidelity

and honesty.

I wasn’t supposed to look him
in his

shady, mesmerizing eyes.

I wasn’t supposed to listen to
his fickle lips

knowingly whispering away my
previous

heartbreak.

 

I avowed never to let my heart
race

or wear its strings out

again.

I wasn’t supposed to care
about

missed encounters

with him

or even throw

tempered curses.

I wasn’t supposed to cry every
time

I heard his name being honored
in a song-

sad and slow or fast and upbeat.

I wasn’t supposed to feel his

brawny hand

stuck in my throat

choking me

as I yearned

selfishly

for his silver strokes.

 

I wasn’t supposed to attend
the Balloon fair

with him

and greedily eat cotton candy,

then let him starve me

cruelly of my sanity.

I should have jumped from the

Ferris wheel

right pass

the screaming top

when I felt sweet under

currents.

I wasn’t supposed to climb
onto

the merry-go-round

ride with him

laughing gaily

while he caressed

my hair

and whirled me around

dizzily.

 

I wasn’t supposed to have gone
to the Circus

with him.

I shouldn’t have clung to his
arm

as the tiger roared

menacingly.

I should have messed up

the magician’s

guillotine act

as my neck lay

exposed below the blade.

I should have disappeared with

him in the final act!

I should have run when I saw
the

jubilant clowns

performing fascinating tricks,

smiling creepily.

I should have gone to the

center

of the circle

and smeared their

bright, colorful

faces

making him flush

disgracefully.

 

I’d cursed his sweetness.

I’d cursed his bitterness.

I’d cursed his existence.

Hitherto he appeared.

 

I vouched never to let him

slide his slippery, warm

hands over

my vulnerable body.

But this time,

his belt was larger

and he was more

in charge

and better

than ever!

I promised never to let him

snub me

right before

he tussled with

other contenders.

I should have wrestled harder with

this undisputed champion;

put up some resistance!

I should have twisted

his rugged arm

as he was placing

the silky blindfold

over my ever-hopeful

eyes.

He violently

overthrew me-

left me resting

helplessly at

his unforgiving

feet.

 

I swear to

be consumed

with more of you:

I have to be more

truthful, just as you

have been with me;

no omissions

or commissions.

I have to be more

protective of your

feelings, just

as you have protected me.

I must remain more

hopeful through

disappointments,

and always

always persevere

through the

worst times.

 

Many have tried to

impersonate you,

Mister Love. 

I too am still learning

your ways; the order is quite tall,

Mister Perfect Paradox.  

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