Analysis of Sorry, Mom.
I am laying here,
feeling sorry for myself for being here again,
and I am sorry about feeling sorry,
and about the color of ugly blue on the walls that makes my eyes sting under so much fluorescent light.
I am swallowing the guilt of being hungry and calling it an excuse, to not swallow anything else.
I wish I didn’t have to see the look on my mother's face, when the scale shows the truth, behind my illness, unwrapping all my lies in a present of guilt and sadness.
Even though I already knew,
I think she really wanted to believe I was better this time.
Now it’s as hard for me to look at her as it is to look at those ugly blue walls.
I wish I never came,
but If I had told my mom instead, that I don’t like doctor's appointments,
she would’ve just stared ahead with the same sadness that’s on her face now,
and told me to grow up.
So I decide the doctor's office is much better with my eyes closed.
When I close my eyes, all I see are the bright lights overhead,
and it reminds me of being little, being on stage,
under the spotlight in a Christmas musical my mom signed me up for because I was 7, with buckteeth and more confidence than the other kids in my class.
That was enough to make my mom believe I could be a star.
Every day after rehearsal, after dancing to the stage music and wearing the most extraordinary costumes, my mom would pick me up and tell me how proud she was,
that I was her star.
I had not a problem in the world but having to pick out my dads bald head, and my moms red hair in the crowd full of parents and tape recorders.
It was never really that hard because he was always the only one with a camera within an inch of his face, and she was always the one right beside him asking if he’s recording.
I would wave down at them, and give them my best Hollywood smile, as the curtains close, and I would hear my moms cackled laugh disappear into a million clapping hands and whistles.
I always liked being on stage,
I liked being in the spotlight even more.
I’m in the spotlight once again, but it’s coming from the end of a small pen this time, to make sure my pupils are still dilating, or from a monitor,
and it doesn’t feel the same as it did when I was 7.
There’s no smiling faces, or music, certainly no clapping hands. Just beeping, doctors, keyboard clicks, and sneezes from down the hall,
and my mother crying in the waiting room until it’s time to go back to the car, where the entire drive home, will be a repeat of side eyes, and lecture which usually sounds something like,
“You are so selfish to do this.”
“Where did I go wrong?”
I thought about asking her if she still thought I could be a star,
but I didn’t.
Scheme | XXXAXXXXX XXXX X XBX CD C XX X B X XD XX X X C A |
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Poetic Form | |
Metre | 11101 101011110101 01110011010 0010101101101111111011101 11100011101001011011110101 1111111011110110110101110010111001011010 10110101 1111010101111011 111111111011111111011 111101 111111101111110010 1111011011011011 011111 1110101011101111 111111111011101 01011110101011 100100101001111110111110110010101011 110111110111101 100110010101010110010010100011111110111111 11101 111010001110111111101111001111001010 1110101101111010110100011111101110110111011010 1111110111110110101011111110101010101010 1111011 1110001101 10011011110101101111111110111110100 011101111111 111010110100110111010110101101 011010001010111111101100101111001111010110001101 11110111 11111 1101100111111101 111 |
Characters | 2,748 |
Words | 576 |
Sentences | 19 |
Stanzas | 16 |
Stanza Lengths | 9, 4, 1, 3, 2, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1 |
Lines Amount | 33 |
Letters per line (avg) | 62 |
Words per line (avg) | 16 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 129 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 33 |
About this poem
I wrote this poem about the sadness I felt in watching my eating disorder rip away my innocence and the changes it made in the people closest to me. As I look back on happier times in my life and reminisce on the past, I realize I am not the happy girl I used to be.
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Written on November 26, 2022
Submitted by s6lennon on November 26, 2022
Modified on March 05, 2023
- 2:53 min read
- 52 Views
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"Sorry, Mom." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 3 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/146047/sorry%2C-mom.>.
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