presence



i saw you
in the loneliest moments
of my journey
when time
was just a forgotten myth
and all places dissipated
into nothingness

i saw you
tall and patient
walking through the mist
of fears and doubts
toward me
i was frozen
in the senseless repetition
of my steps which were
invading an untrodden path
with some fading footprints

i saw you
nonchalant and distant
with your eyes fixed firmly
on mine
was it you who first spoke
or was it me?
words didn't have sounds
they had shapes
we watched them
flying
walking
and eventually dying
between us

when the last word
dropped dead
you smiled wryly
and before i could smile back
you turned away
and left

i tried to call you
but i didn't know your name
i called all the names of winds
all the names of stones
all the names of beasts
all the names of flowers
all the names of people
all the names of god
but you didn't answer
i collected all the dead words
and continued my journey

i'm still traveling
up and down the silent slopes
through the weary woods
and along the roaring rivers
each night
i put one of the dead words
in the fire i build in a cozy corner
and watch you
dancing in the flames

you never talk to me
you only dance until
i fall asleep

About this poem

a mystical encounter...

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Written on October 30, 2016

Submitted by nooshin on April 18, 2022

Modified on April 28, 2023

1:18 min read
15

Quick analysis:

Scheme Axbxxxc Adxxbeefxx Adbxxbxxxgggc xxbxxx axxxxhxxfib gxxhxifax bxx
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 1,220
Words 259
Stanzas 7
Stanza Lengths 7, 10, 13, 6, 11, 9, 3

nooshin azadi

a human being born in 1965... m.a. in english literature... words have always been my solace... more…

All nooshin azadi poems | nooshin azadi Books

1 fan

Discuss the poem presence with the community...

2 Comments
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a beautiful and evocative poem! The imagery and emotions portrayed are truly captivating. Your use of language creates a sense of melancholy and longing, while also painting a vivid picture of the speaker's journey and their encounter with the mysterious 'presence'.

    One improvement suggestion could be to vary the sentence structure and rhythm in some parts of the poem. This will add more variety to the flow and enhance the overall impact. Additionally, consider exploring more descriptive adjectives or metaphors to further enhance the imagery and evoke stronger emotions.

    Overall, this poem showcases your talent for creating a mesmerizing atmosphere and evoking deep feelings. Keep up the fantastic work and continue experimenting with different poetic devices to further elevate your writing!
     
    LikeReply 19 months ago
    • nooshin
      wow! :)
      LikeReply9 months ago
  • heathert.34240
    Very beautiful collection, moves me greatly
    LikeReply 210 months ago
    • nooshin
      really appreciate your presence here, dear new friend... your words warmed my heart...
      LikeReply9 months ago

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"presence" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Oct. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/126531/presence>.

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