thirteen

thirteen was the age of living thousand lives all at once
i died, i rebirth and then i died and then i rebirth again
i fell in love, i fall out of it i got my heart broken and realized
it's not a big deal at all- thirteen was where i felt like
hell might be the option for me and it was in a way but
i glamorized heaven so much that i could kill myself to be in it
to be part of it. a girl who's in thirteenth chapter of her life is a girl who's born to be a killer, a murderer or-
a shiner, a page turner or who knows, maybe both.
but thirteen, oh my god, thirteen,
was the time where i blamed myself always and now
i bake pies for my friends, draw pictures for my lover
thirteen, oh my god, THIRTEEN.
was the time when my body started feeling like a burden,
the girls in magazines had it so easy, i wished i was a pretty sticker
i killed myself when i was thirteen, they killed me when i was thirteen and now everything feels so easy, much calmer, much better.
i won't say it's sunshine packed glittery cage;
because it's not, but it's so much better,
it gets better.
i watched girls my age dying forever when they were thirteen, not all get to be lucky but i am grateful forever that i got to be lucky. i died when i was thirteen and now-
i breathe, i live, i love-
with all of my heart...
and thirteen defines me in a way that it doesn't matter
well, sometimes.
but i live, i love...
i keep myself together.