The virtue of immortal

Mine is a life of much shame
But still I'm not feeling much ashamed
I feel of ending it here
Though it might not be quite fair

I'm stuck in an endless loop
Where there is nothing except regret and fear
Much hilarious actions I do in my life
Still I not care while I care

I know it's okay when its not okay
But I don't know if its ok
When I think it's really not okay when it's not ok

My heart is now at a stage
Where the stairs of fleet end
It's really much pity when
For such ridiculous undertakes
I being a bit spiritual, never offend

I know that I am just a step away from fence
But still this is because of I offend

Some quotidian epoch I'll perish
Keeping everything besides
Nothing will convoy with me
Except my spiffing deeds

Whether I'll go hell or heaven
Or to somewhere above it
I solicit the supreme
To atleast in some or the other way,
Engage me in the best of deeds
I'll definitely be extricated from frustration
By the virtue of self-realization