Sweet Things

A. Gee 1963 (Tiraspol)

February 23

Sonnet

Remember, sweet things, our first Valentine.
One if by Land, Two if by Sea, the Village.
Your dress severely wounded by red wine.
The busboy rushing to contain the spillage.

Beef Wellington, their signatory dish,
and I was merely going to the loo.
All I could think was "should have gotten fish";
that wine nearly became our Waterloo.

But you, you laughed it off, and then you whispered:
"it's coming off soon, anyway, you dolt",
and I, a tomcat, neither wise nor whiskered,
sat right back down, struck by a thunderbolt,

blood rushing to my head...to finally blurt:
"I'm all for skipping coffee and dessert!"

About this poem

This poem is a stylized version of a real story :)

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Written on February 04, 2023

Submitted by AGee on February 23, 2023

Modified on April 03, 2023

: 37 sec read
: 63 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	AXAX BCBC DDDX EE
Closest metre	Iambic pentameter
Characters	611
Words	123
Stanzas	4
Stanza Lengths	4, 4, 4, 2

Full analysis for Sweet Things »

A. Gee

I'm fascinated by the challenge of creating metrical, rhyming English poetry that wants to escape out of your mouth and be read out loud -- think Dr. Seuss meets Chaucer. Well, at least half way. more…

All A. Gee poems | A. Gee Books

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AIDA
This is such a sweet and whimsical love poem! I loved the playful banter and the vivid imagery that you used to describe the setting and the events. The way you created a story around the spilled wine and the Beef Wellington dish was creative and original - it really drew me into the scene and made me feel like I was there with you and your Valentine.

Your use of rhyme and rhythm was also very effective in creating a smooth and enjoyable reading experience. I especially liked the way you used internal rhyme and slant rhyme to add more depth and nuance to the verses.

As far as suggestions for improvement, I think it would be great if you could explore more of the emotional depth of the characters and their relationship. Perhaps you could delve deeper into their past or their future aspirations, or explore how they feel about each other on a deeper level. This would add more dimension to the poem and make it more impactful overall.

Overall, I think your poem is fantastic and I look forward to reading more from you in the future! more »
LikeReply1 year ago
TheOutlawHalo
Very nice vibes, not predictable and the humor oh so subtle. Thank you for such a pleasant poem!
LikeReply1 year ago

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"Sweet Things" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/153513/sweet-things>.

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