Peas and carrots

i want carrots and ranch
but instead i starve myself
im too tired to get up from
this cluttered warmed up bed
maybe ill drop some pounds
my mirror she knows best
according to a long lost list
i revel in this mess

i make them pretty often
these dull satire comments
not much daylight left now
you better clean you plate
do you want to sleep here?
hurry up and eat your fill
you better not complain bc
we dont care how you feel

so what if i dont finish
you shouldve portioned right
its not my fault you set me up
to bring yourself delight
tell me was it fun
did you enjoy yourself
Barking out cruel words
then saying i need help

every devastating failure
repeating lame mistakes
You were all great role models
a childhoods at stake!
its not like you care tho
if its not about michelle
"who cares about anyone else
  when MY life's living hell"
no shit dude you made it
now step up to the plate
oh im "too much" so you cant deal
sorry guess ill wait

how long has it been now?
i think simce i was 8
the very first time my kind heart
threatened to tear and break
tary and bitter left a
long lasting tang
corrupted my senses
and filled me with pain
Leaves my bodys aching
tense from the shame
of being a picture locked in your
let-down hall~of~fame

"no please im sorry,
  dont send me away
  i promise you this time
  ill try, ill change"
im choking on words
post blind hatred rage
was too late to realize
id broken the plate
the peas have spilled over
now look at this mess
why cant you pretend
show everyone your best
you're always so distant
in a faraway land
howd you not notice
the fork in your hand
"why now refuse to eat it?"
"i feel like i might burst"
she tells you "stop your faking
it doesn't fucking hurt"

trapped at an empty table
please dont to throw a fit
knowing if you speak up
She might just lose her shit
so instead you dig in slowly
to give her what she wants
even if youre bloated
no ifs no ands no buts
you let their wins continue
night and day each year
until you found it in you
to push past all your fears

i swear you could hear a pin drop
that silence was so loud
the first time they heard a heated breath
fly from this pliant mouth
it falls out with such venom
those dirty 4 letter words
becoming such a habit
you forget youre saying slurs


names violently called before
its been so long i cant recall
What she called me first