Bittersweet

That is the emotion that ran through me as I crossed the stage.
It was one of my proudest, saddest moments.
For many reasons, of course.
The proud part is that it all worked out.
But honestly, I was almost held back by self-doubt.
Senior year was supposed to be a happy, painless year for me.
That's not how it went, obviously.  
It started with the high of being a senior and wanting the year to be the best one.
Then it transitioned into trials that I never thought I would overcome.
I still feel as though I am battling with them. They come in the form of foes, family, and lost friends.
What hurts the most is being surrounded by continuous pain.
Everywhere you go, you have everything to lose, but nothing to gain.
It was at church, home, and school.
This was the year when I stopped pleasing everyone to be labeled as “cool.”
Senior year became lonely very quickly, and I fell into a weakening routine.
I used to be able to juggle everything like a well-oiled machine, but it wasn't until December that I realized that I was drowning.
My anger was misinterpreted many times and caused many riffs in friendships.
But I am here to tell you that the pain is only temporary.
Finding yourself and losing many can be very scary.
But as I walked across the stage, I still felt that I was the 9-year-old girl who had silly crushes on boys in her class.
I still felt like the 13-year-old who thought she could take one the world by herself.
I still felt like the 16-year-old who felt love for the first time.
But I then felt the pressure of walking into adulthood.
I was leaving all those pieces of me on that stage and taking on bigger and better things.
So I am here to advise you to lay everything down before the king.
Through my test and trials, God was my only constant.
He reminded me to keep going because I am worth it.
And I know he’ll help me fulfill my purpose.