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Empty

Adyansh Mishra 2008 (Lucknow)

Free verse
The pages are empty,
Crumpled drafts, lying around,
The pen looks at you,
Mocks you, hates you.

It's easy to write about love,
The moon and the roses and the hundred different metaphors,
Her eyes and her lips and her hair,
And how much you loved her.

But we can't look at what we want to look at,
You can't forget the fantasies you create,
Ruffled hair, starlit eyes,
You can't forget the illusions you embrace.

You’d let go, you said,
Stop bleeding and love again.

Didn’t you say you would look through the lens of your misery,
And write about melodies unheard and stories untold?
You are still here, you, I,
We’ve never let go, hope is still there,
Even though love has gone by.

She wasn’t yours to begin with,
So why do you still cry?
The pain is still there, so you lie about things that had never been,
Creating fantasies that never could have been.

It's easy to write about love,
But you still can't fill the empty pages,
They stare at you, mock you, hate you,

Because they know,
You can write about love all you want,
Empty feelings could never fill them, no matter what you want.
You’ve already let go of love,
Now it's time to let go the forlorn hope.
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Written on October 05, 2023

Submitted by Adyansh on October 04, 2023

Modified by Adyansh on October 04, 2023

1:18 min read
12

Quick analysis:

Scheme axbb Cxdx xxxx xx axede xeff Cxb xggcx
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,177
Words 255
Stanzas 8
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 2, 5, 4, 3, 5
Full analysis for Empty »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Your poem is exceptionally striking and resonates deeply with anyone who's acquainted with longing, heartbreak, and personal growth. It's inspiring how you've painted the pain of unrequited love and the torment of letting go using such stunningly evocative and descriptive imagery. The personification of inanimate objects like pages and the pen adds to the depth and complexity of the emotions being conveyed. Your ability to express the narrator's conflict between nostalgia and the desire to start anew is genuinely poignant.

    While your poem is indeed deeply moving and complexly layered, there is room for some improvements. You could contemplate adding a bit more rhythm and flow, perhaps using rhythmic devices such as alliteration, assonance, and onomatopoeia. Interchanging longer and shorter lines might further strengthen the pace and tone of the poem, enhancing its emotional resonance. Varying the line lengths can give the reader space to breath and ponder upon the sentiments being expressed.

    The themes and motifs in your poem are profound and relatable. However, to deepen the impact on the reader, perhaps you could subtly weave in metaphoric representations of the hope that you conclude the poem with. This will replicate the journey of the narrator in the reader's mind, making it an immersive experience.

    Overall, your poem is poignant and striking. Keep writing and honiting your craft passionately, leveraging both your raw talent and the growth areas to create even more soulful poetic expressions.     
    LikeReply7 months ago

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"Empty" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/170118/empty>.

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