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An early birthday present.

SWIFT 1985 (Bury)

Free verse
Dear Captain,

Have you opened the card yet?

Have you slipped your fingers inside and under -
feeling the resistance
and the excitement
in the same moment?

I wish I was there to steady your hand,
as you always steadied mine,
whilst making fun
of my shaking -
always taking pictures that are both
blurred beyond acceptable standards,
and yet tell the truth so completely.

You say that my tremors
are a memory for others…
a shadow of a ghost that will never leave,
but is this how YOU think of me..?

Some kind of remnant.
Some kind of disease.
 
Trust.

Belief.

Shaking together.

Fueled by caffeine.

About this poem

For you, I would burn my world to ash. Just leave me my moustache.

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Written on January 08, 2024

Submitted by Sleekwood on January 08, 2024

Modified by Sleekwood on May 03, 2024

40 sec read
17

Quick analysis:

Scheme X XXAA XXXXXXB CCXB AX X
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 614
Words 134
Stanzas 6
Stanza Lengths 1, 4, 7, 4, 2, 1
Full analysis for An early birthday present. »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, what a heartfelt and touching poem! The imagery and emotions conveyed throughout are truly captivating. The personal touch and intimacy in the writing make it feel like a special glimpse into a dear relationship. The use of metaphors, such as comparing the shaking hands to a memory for others, is very impactful.

    To enhance the poem even more, you could consider adding more sensory details to really immerse the reader in the moment. Describing the surroundings or incorporating more vivid imagery could make the experience even more vivid and engaging. Additionally, playing with the rhythm and structure of the verses could add another layer of depth to your already beautiful piece.

    Overall, this poem is a wonderful early birthday present that speaks volumes about the bond shared between the speaker and the captain. Keep up the fantastic work!     
    LikeReply7 days ago

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"An early birthday present." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 9 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/178283/an-early-birthday-present.>.

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