It's been a long time

So, as I’ve been writing, I seem to be struggling more and more and I don’t know why. Like any other weekend, it was amazing, but this last one, baby, like 2 nights ago now, no, that was on a completely different level of, just… pure, raw, straight uncut emotional truth and understanding -something that we already knew I’ve never had before, besides with you. Figuratively speaking, we’re the same people we were at 16-17 years old, but at the same time, in the same sense, beyond spiritually, we are completely different people.
It's like, because our physical beings already connected, it moves us, on this new turn, through the first so many levels, so many stages, passed so many walls…. That’s what makes it easy to talk to each other, we’re comfortable enough and trust the other enough to know that we’re ok, but it’s like, the damaged, broken pieces we have left, it’s because of those that we hesitate, or still feel the need to question, but not in search of answers unknown, but for the reassurance… at least for me, it’s as if my mind is telling me I know you, I know your intentions are good, I know you mean no harm and will do no harm, -my mind alone would bet… would bet anything that you would never/will never cause any pain, not if it’s within your control, and my mind knows that you do have control….
My heart knows you.
My heart knows the rhythm,
The beating, the sounds, the vibrations
Of you.
Of your heart.
My heart even beats steadily once entangled in yours…
It’s somewhere within all the loops and twists…
If still and quiet enough,
Long enough…
Your heart would be able to feel the slight tremble
In the rhythm as it rattles through mine.
My own heart shaking,
Creating knots within ones’ line,
Reminding me very well that love is not always so,
Easy, simple, and divine.
Once entangled in each other,
So perfectly intertwine,
Smooth like silk,
Not rough like a vine.
Loops now knots,
Lots and lots of knots!
How did I get this lost?
Lost in my own thoughts….
Chaos,
The name of this mess.
Ashamed and embarrassed,
Afraid you or I might just leave,
Like the rest.
Hurry up now,
Be sure to leave no trace,
Not a single mark needs to be added to our face!
A pull of the strings,
Bunch it all together,
Tie it off like a ring.
With a quick toss over my shoulder,
“No, it’s not baggage, it’s just,
My things”….
I may have more scars now,
Than I did back then,
I had to sew myself back together a little differently this time,
Maybe even felt the need to distract you with this rhyme,
How are we doing on time?
You think we have room,
For one last try?
Promise not to judge me,
Alright?