Ode to a mince pie!

`ode to a mince pie!!`

At this time of year there is a glut of the humble mince pie,
chucked at you, with a cheery-`here`s to mud in your eye`,
I want to try to be fair, but it`s getting just beyond a joke,
all these extra pounds on my being and corset stays do poke.
I graciously accept and say, `oh ,how unusual-wot a TREAT`
(a  few more pounds to plonk on my already well rounded seat!)
I know they are `heaved out` there, a `duty` at this time to fulfil,
`they`ll  go nicely with a cuppa  and, as such, ably fit the festive bill`,
but , in conclusion, next time you see me and are tempted to offer a sample.
DO ME A BIG  FAVOUR-MY TASTE BUDS AND FIGURE ALREADY AMPLE!
Coda
This apparently insignificant piece of pastry with hidden agenda,
is filled with sweet tasting collage-(makes me YEARN for a `bender,`)
a faceless person with  maybe some enigmatic, ulterior motive in mind,
has flooded the market  with wanton abandon, many `tum` outlets` to bind!
Where`s the `liver salts`-`gis me a dose-PLEASE make it  quick,
the thought of these tasty `bullets` makes me constantly feel  sick
the answer to the question many  have been asking, long,
is just WHY are they proffered,  at this time, for the tongue?
Mince pie producers would say `tis not all `doom and gloom`
me-I`ll have to go and lie down in a completely darkened room!
Jennifer Kersey.