Surprise!

I absolutely hate surprises.
They throw me off balance.
They make me re-assess myself.
They hit me with a sense of dread
that makes me feel like vomiting.

I loved every minute of our time together, and it was such a surprise. You were open and giving and you said that I was sexy. I am not used to pleasant surprises and you gave me hope.

My biggest surprise is what a fool I still am, even after all of this time. Although I always think that I am smarter than that; that I am more sensible than that; that I would never be swayed like that. Surprise! I am not and I so would be.

Surprise! I am crying for the first time in seven years. I can still bite it back so that no one ever sees. Because no one needs any surprises from me.

Surprise! I cannot even muster the strength to get angry and that is always my first response.

Surprise! I hoisted myself on on my own petard again.

And it all hurts. That is the only thing that is not a surprise, not anymore.