Smoke

I feel nervous
My heart is beating faster
My breathing is heavier
I look down to my hands
They are shaking
This can't happen again
It is only a test
I look at it
I shake my head
Trying to shake off the urge
No i can't
I said i will stop
I need it
I will calm me down
I breathe it in
Outcomes smoke
So does my sudden nervousness
I feel my whole body relax after that
Again
Again
All i feel is smoke
As it fogs up my mind
I don't feel nervous
I don't feel scared
I feel numb
As if the smoke clouds up in my head
I can't feel anything anymore
I like this
Not feeling anything
And allowing the smoke consume me once again