(My Honesty)

I don’t think I’d want to involve you in my life.
The manipulation,
The word that’s been misused uncountable times.
The torment,
The environment that changes who I have to be.
 
My home isn’t much of a feeling,
More like a roof over my head,
If they say home is a feeling,
I haven’t known or felt it.
There’s drama to persuade people,
There’s acting to turn everyone against me.
 
Safety is a joke,
Privacy is a fairytale.
Respect is beyond misused.
There I am withstanding all abuse.
Facing demons without going pale.
Wondering how others think my heart isn’t broken.
 
I might as well be cast out of my family,
It’s not like I was treated as if I was from one.
Why does it have to be about showing others?
You’re just ruining my reality.
I can’t really leave either.
I’ve been turned into something people don’t want to look at.
 
I made mistakes,
Ones never forgiven,
Nor ever forgotten.
They were displayed openly,
With memorials every year.
They love to relive them.
They aim to engrave shame.
 
I’ve been damaged to a level,
Where I can’t notice a good thing if it appears.
To a point where my essence unfolds mayhem.
Where my perception of beauty is disfigured.
To a place where I disregard myself,
Even as I lay dead and dying.
 
See this as you may,
Read this as you may.
Feel it how you will.
My only duty towards you was to be honest,
Not striving to be better than the best.
I may not see good days soon,
I cannot stop being damaged,
I may still want to save you from myself,
Is it bad to still want you by my side?