Let you down

I'm sorry that I let you down,
that I was just too meh to have met your crown.
Absent in time I never knew you enough,
and so far from home mum couldn't ruin your bluff.
Travelling roads that would last a while,
the school bell tolls and I'm last to smile.
A child minder I'd go to for the rest of the night,
my friends greet their parents, I'm upset but alright.
You were there to twelve as the fatherly head,
But from there on out, you were practically dead.
Growing pains harsh taken out on a mother,
who'd had two horrible men who gouged with a smother.
I was a third because of the pain I was in,
with no strong male figure to help me abstain from the sin.
Our relationship was strained and a hit or a miss.
Stiff with fear when I stopped you slitting your wrist.
The surrealist time in my life, I tried to have helped.
While dad had affairs we cried and we welped.
But time did pass and so did the strain.
This is just a rumination and an ode to the pain.
For I'm a dad now and nothing compares.
If there's nothing else I do I'll make sure suffering is spared.