Broken Trust

You don't even know the pain that I been thru
you don't even realize that I was molested when I was nine and with that I have broken trust.  So how can I trust you when you tell me how you feel.  When the person that I fell for broken me, broken me to the point where I trust less and I try to do me more. But I also understand that doing me more only hurts me because I don't know the true meaning of love and when I say that I love you deep down inside I feel like I do But how can I love if I don't trust and how can I trust if I don't love.  and how can I even make anything when I keep breaking everything and how can I break everything when I don't have anything.  Just me a lonely broken vessels a vessel that need mending and mending me is going to take a whole lot of work you know that cherishing me an nourishing me, and reading me, trust me enough to let you know that I don't trust and if I see the same pattern that I seen in the last man I automatically think that you have used me and abused me and tears shed and my head falls with my head falling down and tears fills my eyes I'm now disappointed because I spend all my time and all my love trying to express to you, trying to gain that trust but every time I trust someone they abuse me, they use me, they mistreat me and don't guide me.  So, now I'm here again all alone don't know who to turn to and I can't even pick up the freaking phone because the person I need to talk to don't even have a dial tone.  So I get on my knee and pray.  Lord, please help me be able to trust again guide me and strengthen me thru all that I've been thru and all of my sins see they don't even realize that my pain started when I was nine and when I was nine I was molested you don't even know by who and your already judging.  See most people don't realize and don't understand that you can get molested by a female as well as a man and in my situation it was my best friend see when I was nine she what twelve and I didn't understand but as I grew up and I wrote my first novel and that was the only therapy that I had and not having some one to talk to about that pain, that pain grew.  Then it went from me being molested from me being abused by my first baby daddy and it wasn't I wasn't even with him then and from there it went to my first husband when he burned me with the Iron and guys cheating on me left and right and I don't even know where to stand anymore.  When I say I have been thru the pain I have been thru it all you know I can't even recall when it all stated and I do know that I'm broken hearted and I don't even know when my heart would mend because I don't trust and if I don't trust how can I love and I know in the bible it tells me to do these things and I'm trying, and I'm trying, and I'm trying and, I'm trying, and I'm trying, and I'm trying and I can't and tears just continue to fall and I don't know I don't even know y'all and I know it's time for me to do this because I know that I'm not alone but I feel like I am so I close with a prayer Lord please I'm asking you, I'm begging you mend my heart make me trust let me love let me be you