my darkness

There is a Darkness in me
Hidden very deep inside
Called the ‘Invisible illness’
Why be a coward and hide?

Who are you my Darkness?
Why do you always hide?
Cause me such pain
Let no one by my side

Who are you my ‘Darkness’?
Have I myself to blame?
Why make me so broken
Each day feels the same

I feel so worthless
You’ve taken my soul
Who are you my 'Darkness'?
And who's in control?

Did I give you control?
Maybe I did along the way
Who are you my 'Darkness'?
Who I live with each day

You never warn me
You come with an aim
You take my energy
Cause me significant pain

Don’t ask my permission
You blacken my heart
You make me feel sick
I know we can’t part

Born with you Darkness
Your intentions I now see
You take away my light
Won’t let me be free

It's time for a change
Time I started to fight
Time to take control
And walk to my light

I will learn to understand
Try to embrace you I will
Learn to switch my light on
Not just lie and be still

I know you can kill
I know you can win
I know you can hurt
But I refuse to give in

I am unable to predict
Those days that are grey
I will never be cured
How can I find my way?

There’s many who doubt
Many who don’t believe
Why would I make it up?!
What could I achieve?

To those who are haters
To those that just blame
To those who will doubt
You are causing more pain

Stop being so harsh
We are not to blame!
1 in 6 people suffer
Why not shout it’s name

Diabetes and Heart disease
High blood pressure too
Many physical conditions
See differently you do

Why should we hide?
Made to feel this shame
Hiding us for years
Causing us significant pain

Families disapproving looks
Friends disappointing eyes
Told to just ‘shake it off’
Told to just 'be more wise'!

STOP saying ‘shake it off’
Please open your heart
How can you be so cold?
Where do I even start?

I know I can change
I know I can live
I want to help others
Know hope I can give

I will not forget the day
When I decided to go
When Darkness had won
Death I wanted to know

Calmly that day I drove
Without emotion or fear
Down the cliff edge I slid
Without shedding one tear

Suicide attempts before
But this was no try
I did not ‘try’ to go
I really wanted to die

Two angels were passing
Mental Health Nurses they be
Saw me jump over the edge
Heading down to the sea

Landed on a ledge below
Why didn’t I die?!
So I got up again
Come on, one more try

They refused to give in
Shouting ‘Please stop!’
They thought I was gone
As they saw me just drop

The shouting had caused
The fog started to clear
In my head suddenly
My son’s face appeared

I would ruin his life
I would ultimately cause
Him to feel not enough
His life would just pause

Without nurses and my son
I truly believe I would be
Together with my darkness
Deep down under the sea

No more pain
No more tear
No more hurt
No more fear

But I have decided now
To make a change with you
To make a change for us
This I know we can do

So I shout your name
Let the healing begin
Your name is DEPRESSION
You’re evil but not a sin

Born you are part of me
Something I cannot cure
But this I can tell you
As I know this for sure

If you suffer like me
Then listen if you may
Stand up to your Darkness
Learn to have your say

Do not feel ashamed
Do not hide away
For this is who you are
Fight forward each day