I Speak Of The Future With The Utmost Uncertainty

Destiny is never given only taken
Oh God I'm sorry for feeling so forsaken
I like to use my mental illness as a crutch
After all the damage is done an apology doesn't mean much
My life in exchange for a minor possibility
I want to scream my confidence to the world, but it ends up a soliloquy
My voice inflects and breaks and so does my person
Try to unlearn self-hate, but it's something I was birthed in
My father was always there to remind me of how worthless I was
Couldn't escape trauma, maybe this is what I was supposed to become
The 1st child will be raised on a trial and error basis
It's hard to be your own person when your someone's creation
I don't want to be a victim but it hurts me to say, 'It's my fault'
This destructive perspective is all I've got
I try to be my own hero, so I don't have to be saved
Once someone hears my story they put on a cape
Run away from everyone and try to find my safe place
Close my eyes. Close my mind. And repeat the phrase, 'It's going to be OK'