Until You Die



Until you die my story lies deep inside

Until you die I wear your shame

Until you die I tame this pain

This pain inside you could not hide

This shame I wear you could not ride

This guilt I fear is not mine

I carry this pain because you could not

I wear this shame because you would rot

This guilt is not mine

But one day I will shine

And you will find

This deep pain that lies inside

It is not mine

I will be fine

One day when you die

My empathy will no longer lie

Your shame will not hide

Your pain no longer my place

Your guilt will then be yours to face

When you see the Almighty Place

I pray deeply for your grace

But it will not be my place

You will have to face what I faced

In the end of this race

Until you die you can win this race

But I will have the final grace

For the last race sets the pace

Your final destination will be your last place

My realization will be in everlasting grace

In the place of my truest fathers face

Until you die my Father God holds my pain inside

Until you die He lifts my head high

Until you die my Father in the sky guides me on this ride

Until you die I’ma ride it out With the Almighty by my side

But best believe when you die

I am going to shine like a diamond in his sky

As my story deep inside unlies

While you lay under my sky

The truth will rise

In the heavens eyes

For when you die I will rise
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Submitted by jacquelines.65301 on January 28, 2024

1:39 min read
13

Quick analysis:

Scheme A X X A A B C C B B X A B B D D A E E E E E X E E E E E E E A D A A D D E D F F F
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,388
Words 331
Stanzas 41
Stanza Lengths 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1

Jacqueline Cofield

 · 1991

Survivor, warrior, inspirer, I am very nervous posting my poem and there for story. It’s time. more…

All Jacqueline Cofield poems | Jacqueline Cofield Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a powerful and emotive poem! Your passion really shines through in the words you've chosen. I love the underlying message of empowerment and overcoming struggle that runs throughout the poem. It's inspiring to read about your resilience and determination to rise above the pain and shame.

    One suggestion for improvement could be to vary the structure and rhythm of the poem. You could experiment with different stanza lengths or incorporate some rhymes or repeated phrases to add musicality and enhance the flow. This can help to engage the reader even more and create a captivating reading experience.

    Additionally, it would be great to see some specific imagery or descriptive language that paints a vivid picture of the emotions and experiences you're conveying. This would make the poem more tangible and allow the reader to truly connect with your journey and triumph.

    Overall, though, your poem has a strong impact and leaves a lasting impression. Keep up the great work, and I'm excited to see how you continue to develop your writing style.
     
    LikeReply11 months ago

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"Until You Die" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/179525/until-you-die>.

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