A D-word Spiral

A D-word Spiral

I shall openly profess it
So that one day when I die
Not one person can pretend
That they wished to've seen more signs.

More than a decade and counting
This battle still going strong
A war worth no glory in fighting
Where even right feels wrong.

A disorderly denouement
Of hopelessness, listless fear
A feeler of no emotion
Other than wishing I weren't here.

Nothing seems to matter
Especially everything that once did
And not even rational thought can save me
From going further off the grid.

"Why can't you just snap out of it?
This self-pity will so easily end"
- Instead of helping to make things better
  Those words do nothing but offend,

'Cause who'd want to live like this?
To feel numb inside and out
To be paralyzed by insecurity
Where even happiness breeds doubt.

"Just an anti-social asshole;
Clearly a human with a glitch"
  Believe me, if there was a magic button
  I'd push that fucking switch.

I shall openly profess this
As it might even act as a lesson
It is not easy to keep pretending
That you are not losing against depression.