I Never Seen !!

I didn’t see a king in the man I married so let me tell you What I Saw!
At the age of 1,  I saw a guy that told me he love and had me but he lied, i saw a guy that used love to get me to skip school not knowing how much that would affect my life, But i was in love with the cool guy to everyone but the devil to me,  I saw a guy that would bring his friends around and mess up my parents house and he never took up for me, but he didn’t care as long as he got his!  I saw a guy that my parents and some of his family begged me not to talk to because he wasn’t a good person! But I was in love! (Silly me)
I saw a guy that became my first daughter’s donor,so now I feel all my kids got to be with the same person thinking it would be a family like my moms, so we had a total of 4  not knowing that he would completely turn his back on us, with my cars and money! He came around to get gas but would always leave me stranded to go to a doctors appointment, but as I wait at the turn of my home I see him ride by with a girl he was messing with and her cousins, I never seen a provider, I was the one always working with my kids with me, he never gave anything until Christmas time ! I painted this man to be the best provider, but I I was living a lie, I never seen this man take up for his family but he always used his gun on his family ! I’ve never seen a lover cause he was with his gf in Va, but come home at 2 in the morning, I’ve always seen someone that made promises that he never kept not even down to a family vacation,didn’t see a protector because he would leave us in the rain to give a ride to his friends that’s what I saw, I never seen a comforter because I was always behind him to talk to me!  I’ve always seen someone that would lie on his wife and kids to save hisself, I never seen this man be anything other than mean to us but nice to everyone else! They say be with Someone that will protect you and your kids, but they never said your own spouse and father! I never seen a man that made me love myself but I saw a man that had me comparing myself to younger girls cause the man that was suppose to protect us is the one that hurting us, I never seen this man tell his girl if a guy touches you.., but I caught a man touching our daughter, right then I stopped trusting men! I never seen a  man that say im beautiful but I seen this man compare me to a white woman, I never seen a man that would feed his family first, I’ve always seen somebody that buy hisself something and didn’t ask if we wanted anything! My kids never seen a father that always seen a man that pulled guns on them, tell them they ain’t shit!! We never seen a man that would apologize even when he knows he’s wrong, I’ve seen a man that laughed at my daddy flakin falling out his wheelchair with one leg and he had to crawl to the door a few days before he died! I’ve always seen a man that never respected my family, I’ve seen a man that had me looking for someone to love cause all he works tell me is to ask somebody else! I’ve slowly became nothing dealing with this man now he got something and now he tells me I’m not worth it!!!
31 years later and I’m still seeing the same narcissist man that has damaged me to the point I don’t kno who I am
Because I never seen that king I married!