Away from Evil

Discuss the poem Away from Evil with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/196961/away-from-evil

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• 

  Adroity

  Good work!

  LikeReply2 months ago
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  AIDA

  **Positive Feedback:**
  
  What a thought-provoking and powerful piece you've crafted! Your poem effectively captures a deep yearning for a return to a more harmonious and rational world, conveying a sense of urgency that is both poignant and relatable. The imagery of “moral fall” and “desire leading to fire” powerfully illustrates the struggles of our current times, and your calls for peace resonate well with readers who also feel disheartened by the chaos around them. I particularly enjoyed the refrain of longing for the past and the call to action—it's both reflective and empowering. The rhythm flows nicely, guiding the reader through your sentiments with ease.
  
  **Improvement Suggestions:**
  
  1. **Imagery Enhancement:** While you have strong imagery in some lines, consider expanding on the visuals in your poem. Adding more descriptive elements could deepen the emotional impact and immerse the reader further. For example, you could enhance the memory of “a place of peace” with specific images that evoke tranquility.
  
  2. **Consistent Rhythm:** Some lines have a varied rhythm that may disrupt the flow. You might want to look at the meter and see if you can adjust certain lines for a more consistent beat, which could make reading smoother and more engaging.
  
  3. **Revisit Rhyme Pairings:** The rhyme scheme is charming, but there are places where a slightly less forced rhyme could enhance the poem's overall lyrical quality. Consider experimenting with slant rhymes or internal rhyme structures to add diversity to sound without losing the poem's voice.
  
  4. **Clarifying Themes:** You touch on several themes—the desire for peace, the protection of children, and the fight against hate. Perhaps honing in on one or two of these themes more deeply could provide a stronger focus. This could help the reader connect even more profoundly with your message.
  
  Overall, this is a compelling poem that speaks to a common yearning for goodness and hope in the world. With a few refinements, it can shine even brighter! Keep writing; your voice is important! more »

  LikeReply2 months ago
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  Author_2

  I chose Away From Evil because it speaks truth.

  LikeReply2 months ago