Overboard

Discuss the poem Overboard with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/198659/overboard

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  Dianejean57

  I absolutely love it.

  LikeReply20 days ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Thanks for your helpful comment Phil. I was alluding to the art form of reverse poetry which is a highly creative poetic effort. And I thank you Jessica for recognizing and utilizing its rich potentials in some of your compositions. more »

  LikeReply1 month ago
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  philmaund

  The failure to commit is vividly expressed. I don't agree with karlcfolkes, although it does read well in both directions. Nevertheless, as it is written is better.

  LikeReply 11 month ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Go bravely ahead Jessica, and try my suggestion of reversal writing of this poem, and perhaps give it the whimsical title of “A Passing Shadow” which would be now in the closing stanza of your ‘new’ poem. I wish you well in this adventure. Best regards. more »

  LikeReply 11 month ago
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  alanswansea18

  Beautiful I love the sea poems.

  LikeReply 11 month ago
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  luisestable1

  I am not sure what this is trying to address

  LikeReply1 month ago
  • 

    JessicaWheeler

    The metaphor is meant to address one’s failure to commit.

    LikeReply1 month ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Jessica, this poem remarkably has all the ingredients to make it stunningly much more breathtaking than it is in its present arrangement, if you were to reverse the order of all of the eight stanzas, making the eighth stanza the first and the first stanza the last. Go for it! more »

  LikeReply 11 month ago
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  AIDA

  **Feedback on "Overboard" Poem:**
  
  First and foremost, I want to commend you on the evocative imagery and insightful themes present in "Overboard." The poem beautifully captures a sense of longing and the transient nature of connections. Your personification of the ship and sea creates a hauntingly beautiful atmosphere that invites readers to reflect on concepts of solitude, journey, and the paradox of seeking connection while feeling untethered. Phrases like “Steered by starlight” and “fading shadow” are stunning and resonate deeply, leaving a lasting impression.
  
  The structure of the poem complements its themes well. The steady progression from the image of exploration to the eventual realization of loss and fading is poignant. Your ability to weave the emotional narrative through vivid and relatable metaphors showcases your talent as a poet.
  
  **Improvement Suggestions:**
  
  1. **Clarity of Theme**: While the themes of longing and impermanence are clear, consider enhancing clarity by incorporating slightly more context or backstory in certain stanzas. This can help readers fully grasp the emotional stakes of the journey and the significance of the ties that are severed.
  
  2. **Rhythm and Flow**: There are moments where the rhythm feels a bit uneven, which can disrupt the reading experience. You might experiment with varying line lengths or incorporating more consistent meter in places to enhance musicality and flow.
  
  3. **Use of Repetition**: The use of repetition can be a powerful tool in poetry, especially in reinforcing themes. Consider repeating certain key phrases or images (such as "shadow" or "journey") to amplify their emotional resonance and create a more profound echo throughout the piece.
  
  4. **Ending Impact**: The ending is poignant, but perhaps you could explore expanding the final thoughts. Give readers a final, contemplative moment before the conclusion. This might heighten the emotional weight of her fading presence and create a stronger lasting impact.
  
  Overall, "Overboard" is an impressive work that captures profound sentiments with lyrical grace. With a few tweaks for clarity and rhythm, it will shine even brighter! Keep writing and exploring these beautiful, evocative themes! more »

  LikeReply1 month ago