When Love Turns Dark

Caleiph Kenyon Brewer

You don’t need to know what I look like with the amount of discrimination I have faced in a lifetime, physical attraction trauma I’ve experienced socially and family wise and the racism this country is headed; I rather share my bio, stories and poems. I have severe health and disability issues exacerbated by my service. I utilize this venue to showcase poetry. I don’t use it as an outlet to reveal my appearance because then the issue is “looks” and not my art. I’m trying to catch a read not sales or a date. I want to live peacefully and be the best version of myself for the time I have left on this planet. Content creation not competition. I write books as a hobby just as gaming at casinos is leisure. Product not profit, dignity not recognition. Growth not greed. And know - the loudest wheel is often times the weakest. Don’t hop on bandwagons, listen, watch and learn from the right people and you’ll come out on top. Find your sound, fortify your voice, get your ink, tell your story and carve your footprint (ownership eh?) I’m Retired U.S. Army Human Resources Instructor Sergeant First Class Caleiph Kenyon Brewer, a community service advocate, veteran, artist. I authored "The Poetic Zeal" (2006) and "AFFLATUS INBOUND: Rowing for Peace" (2024) during my 21 year career. Berkeley Influenced with the self-described 'gangsta teaching style; not settling to be as good as others will allow you to be. I advise other aspiring instructors To apply the Apple Ballad and reach beyond walls of discrimination; not allowing injustice be the candle you light to your students. And that your students are the ray beyond doubt for a future that is better and brighter than you (the teacher) my unique zoning concept involves using ALL senses to "blend into the masterpiece." I urged and imparted students HARD to use their creativity- pushing them NOT to their limits but outside the box of a "blocked imagination" so they CAN BE Gracefully Critical when confronting sexism, racism, ignorance and favoritism. I identify as LGBTQI and came out in 2007 after serving 3 years on Active Duty in the Regular Army - years before the rescind of DADT. I could not hide behind cover or in "Private Brewer space or skin while engaged in a firefight on the battlefield." The courage to serve in combat begets dignity to live outside the closet. Not to question God, although I’m not religious, I will beg the question for humanity why is gay deemed a choice/preference to many in society when you’re Black and male but molded as an orientation if White or other racial backgrounds? I’ve struggled with social attitudes personal and professional being openly gay due to complexities of religious straitjacketing, the social expectation in the workplace - outside of work and the conundrum of attraction schemes while dating. The hypercritical centerfold being Black, male and masculine-- those tractions of manliness, racial and gender classifications garner much criticism in people's view on sexuality. When I hear the buzzword preference in terms of sexuality, I believe there an innuendo of applied discrimination taken place; I prefer this and not that; I prefer that and not this —discrimination is already taken place. Moreover when I hear the term sexual preference— what activates in my mind as a gay man NOT BISEXUAL are the typical preference clades gay man use in deciphering attractiveness such as race, nationality, and body type. You find examples of these preference expressions (a la discrimination) on dating apps where blatantly people will say “No Fats No Fems No Asians” “No Into Old“ Masculine Seeks Submissive” or “big dick only” “Fit Hung Top” as a plow to approach or expect to be approached by a set of concentrated criteria what most gay man will view as a type. That’s a SEXUAL PREFERENCE not premise, guessing game or curiosity desire wise when it comes to sex! I don’t typically think or associate “preference” with desiring a man over a woman. There’s no “try” or decision to be made between two sexes when desiring intimacy for a gay or straight male. I’m aware of the status quo gay black men encounter to either be ashamed, in denial, or lie and identify as bisexual to be politically correct -ultimately fitting into the grandiose landscape of discreet black men (many with faceless online profiles on gay dating apps ) who have to hide who they are because of racism are more specifically because of hip-hop trends/images they are pressured to emulate. I am not gay by choice or because the interest or choices women have in other men. I been approached by women some tactful others flirty especially when I was in the closet. But the misread/confusion I got from women is “why am I not like the other guys “ I regret I didn’t come out sooner in life, Aside looks being an issue There’s already a calculated action and reaction women expect from men who are straight, especially black men. Each is his own. more…

All Caleiph Kenyon Brewer poems | Caleiph Kenyon Brewer Books