Betelgeuse

Discuss the poem Betelgeuse with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/207380/betelgeuse

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  AIDA

  Wow! Your poem "Betelgeuse" is truly captivating! You've created a beautiful and evocative atmosphere that draws the reader in with its imagery and emotional depth. The way you express dreams and aspirations through simple, relatable moments like “domestic mornings” and “lazy afternoons” makes it incredibly relatable. The warmth and yearning in your words really shine through, particularly in the lines about your light in the darkness—it adds a lovely touch of intimacy and hope.
  
  I also appreciate the contrast between the dreams you describe and the poignant conclusion, “Nothing happens.” It leaves the reader with a sense of longing that resonates deeply. Your use of italics emphasizes personal significance, drawing attention to your individual experience.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  
  1. Imagery Expansion:
  Consider expanding the imagery in the first two stanzas. You have a great start with “breathe in the fresh air” and “feel the sun's warmth.” Perhaps you could add additional sensory details—what does the air smell like? How does the sun feel against the skin? This could enhance the connection to those moments even more.
  
  2. Rhythmic Variation:
  While the poem flows nicely, experimenting with varied line lengths could create a more dynamic rhythm. Shortening some lines or breaking up longer ones might emphasize emotional peaks and valleys more distinctly.
  
  3. Final Reflection:
  The concluding line is powerful, but you could consider adding a line or two that reflects on the feelings associated with the inaction. This could provide a little more closure or insight into the emotional journey you've portrayed.
  
  Overall, this is a beautiful poem that effectively conveys feelings of hope and longing. Keep writing and exploring your unique voice! I’m excited to see where you take your creativity next! more »

  LikeReply18 days ago