The Philosophy of an Insane Girl

Why did you have to keep drinking?
Why couldn't you make me your wife?
We could have started a family
We could have extended our family
We could have lived on stable ground
Why didn't you accept me
For the person I was
Why couldn't you quit drinking 
So you could stand with me on my ground
Why couldn't we become one
One flesh; one body, one mind
Why couldn't we mend...
To be whole.
Why did you have to drink
When I too gave up everything
Why did I do that
All to be called selfish back
I was selfish to fulfill the love you promised
I was selfish to fulfill the dreams and passions you too said you wanted
Why couldn't I be the only one you set your eyes on
Why couldn't you choose me over alcohol
Why do I have to feel these pains
Knowing I'll never love anyone the same
You changed me,
You took me
You bent me
You shaped me
Until you broke me
You created a wave;
A wave I seen before
The wave came with no instructions to run the course
It came with warnings
From people who didn't truly care;
It came from assumptions of what was already there
Lies. 
I believed in the truth
Lies
I told you....
Mirror image; I loved you
Mirror scrimmage-"It's not true"
Face blue
Eyes wide
Heart empty I came into you
I was left jipped
Ripped
Dipped
I became chipped after many whacks
The heart
The Almighty rhythm
"It's ok sis"
My mind speaks to it
Crinkled and cut
Broken til bust
Left with no crust
I caved into you
Down in despair
No empathetic care
Morsels of pity
Rude awakenings never ending
I fell to pieces
Lost myself to be seen
I got the attention
And then you came back to end itI got good loves
Good vibes
Trust and support
So you threw out the knife
I fell backwards
I fell forwards I took the knife and said it wasn't yours
I carry the greif
What a "whack job she is"
Because the love was unconditional
And I can be we love someone the same again
Broken and bruised
Misled and confused
Knowing you'll just use
So why do I do this
She was sweet she was kind
She didn't care and she didn't mind
She was quiet and she was weird
She was all I needed but needed her here
She was open and she was hopeful
She was still showing what she wanted to
She was so good to me
I left her because of me. 
Dirty whore girl
Swallow that cock girl
Choke on it::Slurp slurp::
Dirty bitch
You like that shit
You're a disgusting menace
You're filthy white trash
You're a fine piece of ass
You ruin me get away
The devil sent you she says
I feel what you say
I feel energy and I walked away
I feel empathy and I stayI hate it this way
I want to hope
I want to dream
I want to live
Before all is to be unseen
I want it now
As patient as I can be
I don't know what it is anymore
I thought it was all inside of me
True love
That's the remedy
But in a person it can never be
Spiritually gifted
Or scared shitless
The mind
The memories
All forgetting
Too much wisdom
Too much insecurity
Too much
Oblivion.
All searching for me
What is it
What will it be
Coming to terms I just want it to be me
Solitude
Just passing through
Not wanting a connection
Like my ancestors do
I want to be a tree
But I want to be here for you
You need me as I need you