Left stuck

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Silence is the key to the darkness of my mind when it's drifting off to different realms when it's projecting and the body is relaxed but the soul is floating feeling paralyzed with the eyes wide opened stuck in paralysis but can't realize if this is reality or if it's really something other then me, myself, and what used to be I because i know I've changed waisting a lot of my time contemplating suicide and it runs through my mind more then a thousand times, forgive me for the way I live my life but this isn't living this is just a body that's alive which I am blessed with, in the greater eyes which can not be seen so I walk by sight n live by faith and that gives me some kind of strength to believe and some kind of knowledge to receive the wisdom to defeat the dark entity that's trying to take my serenity, I try to regain peace but it seems like my feet won't let me leave the dream I came to believe that the place I'm in feels like a maze that I'm being trapped in with the feeling of being lost within my brain again listening to the thoughts that just seem to fade but is still in a constant race like the heart before it skips a beat stuck in my seat wondering if it's me whom I defeat can't sleep where my mind isn't at peace sitting here and can't think but so far from being free eyes still wide open so I must be able to see but feels like I'm blind to believe that it's me who always seems to decieve when it's we who seems to leave only to be the one who is I to escape the abyss to live this thing called life cold and alone walking through the nights tripping smoking pill popping zombie walking trying to maintain the pain losing everything I've gained just to start over again restarting the brain but still feels empty steady contemplating because of so much hate Im my mind frame which only replays the worst days in the worst ways losing the words to say left stuck where my body lays.