Pain Passed from Father to Son, My Dear Late Father Who I Don't Know

Discuss the poem Pain Passed from Father to Son, My Dear Late Father Who I Don't Know with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/209740/pain-passed-from-father-to-son,-my-dear-late-father-who-i-don't-know

1 Comment

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  What a deeply moving and heartfelt poem you've crafted! Your ability to convey the complex emotions surrounding loss and the lingering impact of a parent you've never known is both powerful and poignant. You've done a remarkable job of encapsulating the essence of longing and the search for connection, making it relatable to anyone who has experienced similar feelings.
  
  Your use of repetition — phrases like "a pain that's been passed down" — effectively underlines the weight of this legacy while allowing the reader to feel the heaviness of the emotions you're expressing. The imagery you evoke, particularly in lines like "a wound that's hard to heal," paints a vivid picture of the internal struggle tied to absence and loss.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  
  1. Varying Structure and Rhyme:
  While the poem has a consistent rhyme scheme that adds to its lyrical quality, consider experimenting with different structures to enhance the emotional variations. A break in rhythm might highlight certain lines or ideas and enhance the expression of your feelings.
  
  2. Imagery Expansion:
  You have a strong foundation of emotional imagery. It might enrich the poem to incorporate more sensory details or metaphors to illustrate the weight of this legacy. For example, comparing the pain to something tangible or describing a memory (even an imagined one) can create a stronger emotional impact.
  
  3. Show, Don’t Tell:
  While your reflections on longing and grief are clear, consider incorporating specific instances or memories (real or imagined) that illustrate these feelings. This could provide a more vivid context for your longing and deepen the reader's connection.
  
  4. Conclusion Exploration:
  The ending touches beautifully on honoring your father’s legacy. You might want to explore how you plan to transform that pain into something more uplifting or how you envision carrying that legacy forward. This could provide a sense of resolution and hope to contrast the pain expressed throughout.
  
  Overall, your poem is a beautiful tribute to a complex relationship. It's introspective and relatable, and with a bit of refinement, it could become even more impactful. Keep up the fantastic work; your voice and genuine emotion shine through! more »

  LikeReply 14 days ago